- That our pasts never leave us.
This is a lie even I have struggled with. With this race, I’ve realized that the only way to begin to dive deeper with the Lord was to be vulnerable with people he’s placed in my life. Before being vulnerable, I was trapped in this lie that my past would always haunt me…and that I would never be free from what I’d done, or seen. Society tells you “You’ll never forget your first love”…”I know what you did last summer”…”I want to believe you, but you hurt me 5+ years ago”…”I could never trust you again”…”Once a (x) always a (x)”. Sound familiar? Not only do we listen to what others say about us, but we believe things about ourselves and create labels based on what we’ve done. “Failure”, “Irresponsible”, “Idiot”, “Liar”, and so many other things along those lines that become our Identity. Why? Why are these things a problem? The answer is grace…or rather, lack thereof. Without Grace, and the love of Jesus, people will always see through a lens of condemnation and judgment. Being on the receiving end, to this day, of people constantly believing things about me that are not who I am as a human being, it’s hard. Some would say that it is the consequence of our actions, I believe it’s because they are lacking the grace and love needed to forgive. The key lies in how we see ourselves even when the lies are thrown in our face. Do we believe that we are new creations in Jesus Christ because of His sacrifice? Or do we believe that we’re ruined or “not as good as we could have been if I hadn’t done (x)”. It says in Isaiah 1:18 that we as believers are made BLAMELESS…white as snow. I was reading a blog recently about the destruction of porn. At the end of discussing how poisonous it was…it talked about how much a redeemer Jesus was. It goes on to say that : “It’s like Jesus became the porn-addict…so that we may be saved.” Our pasts are our pasts. Places we can never go back to, nor do most of us want to. Listen closely when I say, you are not your past. You are not, I repeat, NOT your mistakes. Jesus knows your heart. And declares you righteous. Clean. Live in freedom, no matter what anyone else says.
- To be strong means to never show emotion.
“Big girls don’t cry”, “rub some dirt in it”, "don’t cry, you’re stronger than that”, “Men don’t cry”. Sound familiar? Somehow, showing emotion of any kind has been taken and twisted to being something that’s negative. Anger, sadness, even passion towards a particular belief is seen as wrong. I’ve seen friends struggle with illness and pretend not to because they grew up with the expectation that they needed to be strong…and to “just get over it”. Let us remember…to be Human is to be emotional. We were specifically designed to feel emotion. Should we have control over them, yes…mostly. But the most real, raw, moments are often the moments we experienced true, unaltered, emotion. When we lose someone we love…and grandparent, a parent, a sibling, a child…when we are brought to the end of ourselves…when we lose a job, house, or file for bankruptcy…when we hit a milestone in life, engagement, marriage, pregnancy, adoption. These are engrained in our memories. We remember where we were…what we did in response to it…and most of the time, we act out of emotion without thinking about it first. Society shames emotion when it’s something we should embrace…something we should use. Something we should cherish. Do not be afraid to cry. When I found out that my dad had cancer I doubled over in tears…amidst a crowded courtyard I broke down into loud sobs…I wept. I begged my dad to let me come home. I will never forget that moment. I will never forget the feeling I got when I heard the news. And I will never forget my team coming around me and praying over me…allowing me to cry…allowing me to feel it. And not telling me that I was weaker for doing so.
- “The Next Step”
There is a lot of pressure to work towards a goal…every single moment. When you are dating, there is a pressure from people on the outside to get engaged. When you get married, there is pressure to have children. When you graduate High School there is pressure to go to college. When you go to college there is multiple pressures like marriage, a career, buying a house…etc. There is so much pressure to prepare for the future and focus on what's next that we forget about what IS. “The Next Step” should be what you’re eating for your next meal. Should we be wise about our futures. Yes, absolutely. Let us not get into the mindset that we are where we are going next. That things will be better once we hit (x). Let’s together focus on making today beautiful.
- That Porn is normal.
One of satan’s biggest achievements. I hate porn. I’ve seen and heard about the destruction it has on families, couples, and self esteems. I hate that it is the the heart and soul of Human Trafficking. And I hate the lie that it’s a normal thing for men and women to do. “It’s no big deal”, “It’s not like I’m having sex or sleeping around”. The cancer of porn is that it corrupts the heart and mind, slowly. It dulls the mind to where the line is when it comes to sex. The beauty, the value, the identity of women becomes tainted and corrupted. The masculinity, strength, and chivalry of men is abolished and redefined. Let me be clear, Porn is a big deal. A very big deal. It destroys churches, organizations, guys, it destroys lives…marriages…childhoods…innocence. It is as destructive as cancer or poison.
- “The One”
Growing up, I like many girls my age, loved the Disney Princesses. I loved their strength. I loved their perfect hair. I loved their songs. And I loved that they found their “one” and knew indefinitely that they could not live without this person in their lives forever. Along with unrealistic hair expectations, I gain unrealistic expectations of love. I thought that the Lord had prepared the ONE for me. That I would just know. That I would dance into the sunset and go on the rest of my life happy and with my knight in shining armor. I looked at people like my parents and assumed that they were that match made in Heaven, that they were destined to be together. That it couldn’t have worked any other way. Then I got older…3 “The One’s” later, I realize that I don’t believe God makes one person for us out of everyone on this planet. I think that the key is simply love. I believe my parents were meant to get married. But there were multiple times in their marriage when it could have not. That both could have wondered if maybe they weren’t the one that God had for them. There isn’t “The One” out there. There is “The One Worth Fighting For”. It’s the man or woman who you love enough to simply fight through the tough stuff. The one who will make mistake after mistake…but you love them anyway because you can’t live in this life without this person. The One who you chose…despite their imperfections. Stop overlooking people in your life because you’re stressed about finding “The One”. The one you never fight with, disagree with, or have issues with. That isn’t love. Love is Grace. Grace is Love. You can’t have one without the other. Meaning, there isn’t a perfect love out there but the love of the Father.
- That Thin, Tan, or Perfectly Curvy is the only beautiful there is.
This lie disgusts me. Who am I kidding, I get caught up in this lie every day when I look in the little mirror in our “bathroom” here in Kathmandu. Still, I find myself rubbing my arms across my arms…my stomach…wishing it were something it’s not. From the thickness of my hair, to my toe nails, I am constantly comparing myself to societies stereotype of beauty. My squad is full of many different, beautiful women. Every single one of them would change something about themselves. Every single one. And it’s all based on what we’ve been told is beautiful by the culture we are in, and what the “new” definition is of beauty. I know thin girls who would do anything to gain weight…and I know women with curves who would give anything to be thin. So what is beauty? And who gets to define it? How about the one who created us? The one who designed every speck in our eyes. Every freckle on our skin. Every strand and color of our hair. I think He should be the one who decides. Women, hear me right now. He sees you as perfect…the way you are. He created you. Who are we to say the perfect God of the universe didn’t do a good enough job? Embrace your body. Love your booty. Love your stomach. Love your big feet. You were created in such a way that no one else was. NO ONE. How perfect is that? Pretty perfect.
- To be happy is to be free from problems or other outside influences.
Raise your hand if you are free from any problems in life. Free from debt, heartbreak, homework, a terrible boss, I could go on…but I think you get the idea. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Hm…that’s what I thought. Telling ourselves that our situations should dictate our happiness is like saying you should eat the orange because it’s purple and that’s your favorite color. …wait. If you let outside influences, especially people, influence your happiness you will never be happy. Or if you are, it will be for a brief second…then you will experience a really crappy fall into darkness. Happiness is a state of being. It's a choice. It’s about realizing that you have zero control over anyone and that you are at peace regardless of the storm of life going on around you. It’s about choosing joy when it’s hard. It’s about smiling when all you want to do is punch someone or lay in bed all day. If you blame someone else for your unhappiness you are being lazy and quite frankly aren’t taking responsibility for yourself. SMILE. Your Ex, your debt, your career or lack there of aren’t the reasons you are unhappy. You are unhappy because you are not seeing the good things in your life worth being happy about.
- The only way to grow is through painful experiences.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve grown a LOT through the most painful experiences…but I’ve also grown a lot when I’ve been happy, loved, and supported. Don’t get trapped in the lie that the only way you can grow as a person is through bad times. That puts a tremendous pressure on the good things to always go bad. You’ll always be waiting for something bad to happen. Live your life. Love the good times. Use the joy that comes with it to reach others. You’ll look back and see a huge amount of growth.
- You're not old enough to make a real difference.
It can actually go both ways. They can say you're either too young, or you have a lot of time left, so you should wait. Bottom line, do not let age become an excuse not to do something. There is power in youth. There is power in experience. But you have to allow yourself to get that experience. You have to be confident in who you are. Young, or not as young. Truth is that you can be used no matter how old you are. A 4-month-old changed my life in India. She didn't speak one word to me but showed me a side of Jesus that I'd never seen before. My question to you is, if not now…when? Seize the day! Carpe Diem!
- That every important (or not) decision needs to be logical or thought about rationally.
Sometimes you just need to jump without seeing the other side. Sometimes, you will fall. And people will see that as failure…but it’s better of a life of never knowing and wishing you had. The the other times, you will find more meaning, purpose, and joy than you’ve ever experienced. It takes risk…it takes gut feelings…it takes everything BUT a rational or logical thought. God operates outside of human logic. Miracles, love, grace, all operates outside of human logic or rational thoughts or feelings. You don’t need a spreadsheet of pros and cons to just go with your gut and try. The Great Wayne Gretzky said : “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”. Take them. Take a risk. And never apologize for it.
- There is a right and wrong time for everything.
Sometimes love just happens. Sometimes something comes so far out of left field that there can be no other explanation but “God’s fault, not mine.” There is no perfect formula for life. Society says it’s graduating from high school, going to college, graduating, getting married, two years later having a baby, buying a house, getting a dog, etc, etc. People hold of the inevitable in order to finish a different part of their lives. Which, if it is what you really want, have at it. But don’t use an outside influence tell you that “It’s the wrong timing because you’re still in school”. Or, that until you reach (X), you won’t be ready. You just kind of make it work. Enjoy the process, but enjoy your life too. If it’s important to you, make time for it. You might miss out on something really beautiful otherwise.
