Not many people know that I was accepted on the World Race almost exactly 11 months ago. On my wall, I had a whiteboard…and on that whiteboard I carefully and artistically created a countdown to three different important dates. One, was to the date that I would be able to move out of my apartment and into my parents house before the race. The next, was a countdown to the second week of May…what I hoped to be Training Camp. Finally, the magic number…there was a countdown to July 1st…what I thought MIGHT be our July Route 3 launch date. I can remember thinking it was so far away…and that I didn't want to wait. I put the cap back on my black dry erase marker and every day erased one number at a time…slowly but surely the numbers got smaller and smaller. As it turns out, the countdown for my move out date was not accurate…I ended up getting evicted because of a medical issue that I had to dish out cash for. That put me home a lot sooner than expected. Training Camp got here…and left…and soon my three digit countdown was two. My full speed sprint to the Launch line was quickly approaching and my running pace began to slow down…but what I didn't realize is that I wasn't slowing down. What I didn't realize is that it was the ground moving under me…not me moving over the ground. Emotionally, I began to dig my heels into the ground…then when I realized that it wasn't working…I began to jog backwards…then turn and run. Launch…this day that I had been looking forward to for so long was now the last thing that I wanted! Granted, the Race was still my calling. But the looming idea of saying goodbye to everyone that I loved was almost too much to bear.
I caught myself creating a mini "bucket list". Things I wanted to do…restaurants I wanted to go to…people I wanted to see…before I left for this race. Every moment is one that I treasured…hugging my siblings…my parents…running my fingers through my boyfriends hair…it was borderline like I was dying. And you know what? I am. I am dying. Signing up for the World Race is like signing your death certificate. Because get this :
If you sign up for the race…You are dying to yourself in order to bring Christ to the nations.
Galatians 2:20 – I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
There are two reasons that Launch is perhaps on of the most terrifying experiences of my life. The first, is because I literally am putting down the old me…in order to allow Christ to create the new me. I am leaving comfort…and normalcy…and home to gain the polar opposite of all of those things. POLAR. The other reason is the goodbyes. No one warned me about the goodbyes. The day before my family, Jacob, and I left for Launch, we had my going away party. I was so blown away by the response. I mean, one family who had lost their dad/grandfather/great grandpa TWO HOURS before my goodbye party made it a priority to stop by. How encouraging is that?! Toward the end of the night my family and friends came to me and all laid hands on me in prayer. First of all, I should not have worn make-up. Rookie Mistake. How amazing it was for God to use every single one of those people to completely bless my socks off! Even my sweet pup Emma laid her head on my feet. I hugged so many people goodbye that night…and broke down for almost all of them. It was a sleepless night that night. And after a few last minute errands the next day, and 3 hours of packing (and achieving the under 50lb mark…) it was time to leave.
I remember going to my mom with tears in my eyes asking to use a pair of shorts/sweats because my clothes were either in storage, packed, or sold. I couldn't even clothe myself anymore. I took a good long look at my parents house…soaking in the familiar that was now strangely new and beautiful to me, then left in tears for Chicago. Friends, Launch is not easy. Because of the goodbyes. Tears streamed down my face all morning and then saying goodbye induced the sobs. I went around the circle and the sobs increased…and then…there was Manfriend. I've never held onto anyone so tightly. I gripped the back of his shirt in our embrace loudly sobbing into his shoulder…and he was so strong for me…
So now I am here. Day two of Launch. I haven't cried or even teared up since arriving. I've noticed that I am very much on an Auto-Pilot mode…when someone asks me how I am…it's an immediate "I'm Good". Literally ZERO thought or honesty in my answer. So, for anyone who is wondering…
I have no idea.
I don't know how I am. Fact of the matter is…I'm still processing everything I am going through. Which is okay. It's not that I don't want to be here. I do. I feel at "home" with my squad. But it's a serious transition. A transition that is going to forever change my life. A transition that means I won't see my family, dog, or Manfriend for a year. It's okay to grieve.
So, I would ask for your prayers. Launch is a lot like Limbo. I'm stuck in this place between real life and the Field. That's the bottom line. I would ask that you pray for intentionality in these final few days in the states. Sunday we leave the hotel at 4am to leave for the airport in order to make our flight to Antigua, Guatemala. I don't think the tears will come until we that night we are there…so prayers for healing would be awesome too. Because my heart is breaking knowing I won't be home for a year. I would also ask that you pray my expectations disappear. Like my apartment countdown, I am sure that nothing will go as planned this month…this year really. Also, It'd be easy to Fail this Launch. It'd be easy to wish this time away and avoid the processing that needs to take place.
Well y'all, I am about $3000 short of being fully funded. I would love your help. If you feel led, help me out by clicking the "Support Me" tab to the left…literally. ANY amount helps. ANY. Have an extra $5? Perfect! It would mean just as much as $500.
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