I will probably read this in two years and laugh…
Dear new me,
Whom I haven’t met yet…. You are probably reading this on the race…homesick, and remembering yourself sitting here, at mom and dads, writing a blog and wishing you could be smelling the AWESOME aroma of mom’s stroganoff. Let me remind you what you are feeling as of this moment. You are relieved. Today you found out that you got the job at the Zeigler dealership in Lowell. Praise the Lord, you are not employed anymore. They are willing to pay you what you wanted, and willing to work with the hours and day you need off…and they might even throw in a demo, which means you can sell Oscar (the beetle). Mom and Dad can finally stop asking how the job hunting is going, and you are thankful for how helpful they have been in this time of transition.
You are anxious…your letter was printed last night…but you still have to print your fundraising cards. You are desperately trying to figure out where to start with the fundraising…and waiting to figure out a date for the chili cook off. You are anxious about money…probably because, right now, you don’t have any…worse, you owe…a lot. Two months of unemployment are rough on a bank account. As worried as you are about getting everything together in time, there is a certain peace…a certain calm that you can’t quite explain…where you just know that it will all work out.
You have a healthy dose of impatience. Lets get this show on the road! While I know you are probably holding tight to the memories of being home, comfortable, and safe in this crazy uncomfortable, and trusting every day that God’s hand of protection never leave you, you cannot WAIT to begin this Journey. You have already formed friendships with two girls who have blessed your socks off everyday since you met them on Instagram and Facebook…and between us, dream of being on a team and have named said team. I can’t wait to be where you are…to find out the family God has given you. You’re most excited to see the bright, shining faces of little ones around the world…to scoop up and love on the children who do not know love…to show them Jesus…and to show them how much He loves them…you already have fallen in love with these children…you’ve already reserved a special place in your heart for their giggles…and you’ve already started saving for more memory cards for your camera.
You’re afraid. Not enough to be paralyzed, but just enough to hug Emma, that black dog you love so much, a little tighter at night. A year without the familiar. A year without your family. A year without Emma. You see the uprise overseas about this video on YouTube…while you know that God has the greatest plan for your life, the human side of you cannot help but read the news headlines explaining the rest of the worlds hatred of Americans and get a little nervous.
You’re frustrated. Satan is using broken relationships, one in particular. Yep, you know which one I am talking about. Satan knows that it is your weakest spot, and his attacks are sneaky and swift on a daily basis. Making you wish…making you wonder…you constantly pray, have others hold you accountable, but still feel the agonizing blows of Satans strongest weapon right now hitting you between your eyes. I pray that you aren’t feeling this where you are…I pray that healing has found you…and I pray that you have rendered this weapon useless.
You are Hopeful. I cannot wait to meet who I have become…and I cannot wait to see how the world has formed me…
You are Happy. Fight the good fight…Keep strong. I know you miss your family, I know you miss your dog…I know…and am praying for you already.
Love,
Your emotional, Basket-case, self
