**Satan is scared. I have already typed this blog and gotten half way done…and somehow my computer crashed. I will write this blog with an even bigger smile on my face knowing that God is going to use me in ways Satan has only had nightmares about! Time to kick Satan in his teeth.**
"What is your story?"
Since I have been accepted on this race, I have been asked this question a lot…and to be honest, I can't help but feel anxious about what my answer will be. I am flooded with my own internal struggles of self worth, speaking lies that I am not good enough or will not be good enough to this person, that my story shows how broken and dark parts of my life have been thus far. Half of that is true. Without my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I would be a very different person. In Him I have the courage to put my story down on paper…sort of. So without further ado…
My Story.
I was born May 13, 1990 (I know, this is usually where people gasp and tell me how young I am…) to Doug and Michele Dietzman in Bristol, Connecticut. I was the baby of the dorm…yes, I said dorm. My parents were Dorm Parents for Miss Porters School, and my heart still has a soft spot for those nameless girls I played with and looked up to while we lived there. At the age of 5 my parents moved me, and my little sister, Samantha, to Rockford, Michigan…and I am so thankful they did. My best memories are filled with lush, bright green trees during the Summer…a cool evening fall morning standing at the bus stop before school, watching the gold, orange and red leaves sway gently to the ground…waking up after about a full hour of sleep on Christmas morning and peeking out my window to a fresh blanket of snow, watching the bare apple trees bud with bright white flowers to signal the arrival of spring…
God has always been very present in my life…I was blessed and am fortunate to have grown up in a Christian home…but my walk with the Lord has been a very rocky one. I remember the day I was saved very clearly…even though I was young, surrounded by my batman action figures and beanie babies, me and my babysitter Hannah were sitting in my room when I was around 6 years old. I remember her describing what Hell was like…and how if I didn't believe in the man named Jesus, that I would go there. Needless to say my overactive imagination painted a pretty clear picture that this was not where I wanted to go. So I folded my little hands and made sure that the Jesus I sang about on Sunday made SURE I was not going to that dark, fiery place called Hell. I went to church with my family every Sunday, fighting my moms attempts to put me in pink, lace dresses with socks that were decorated with little ribbon bows, I went to Awana every Wednesday (Shout out to my "Bathroom Club" girls! Who wants to play those Awana games anyway!?!), and never understood that there was more to being a Christian than just saying I was one. In Junior High, I began to process what being a true follower of Christ was…it meant valuing my creator more than anything in this world, spreading His Word to everyone on this earth…
Junior High was the peak of my childhood. I strived to be a good big sister to my younger siblings Sam, and Melanie. I went on church trips to West Virginia, and biked the UP (Upper Peninsula) of Michigan…I fell in love with the leaders and looked up to them…I saw how passionate they were for the Lord…and I craved the fire and purpose they had. I had visions of getting through High School and giving back by helping kids my age, to be the example to so many others in that awkward time of life. God had another plan. Shortly after my 8th grade year, we moved. Not across town, not across the state…across the country…to Arizona…leaving my friends, my sense of purpose, and my mentors behind. I became angry at God…why would be put these amazing people into my life only to rip them away? Why would he take me away from the church and community that I grew up with? Why would he ruin my dreams of growing up in the high school I dreamt of going to since kindergarten?! This anger overflowed into every piece of my life…in my relationships especially. My freshman year of high school I went to a public school…and, because of my overwhelming desire for the friendships I had back in Michigan, I began to change who I was to adapt to who everyone else was. My relationship with the Lord suffered.
My favorite attribute of God is how relentless He is. He planted the idea of sending me and my siblings to a local Christian School…and I am so thankful He did. The rest of High School was spent at this Christian high school…and I loved it. I changed myself again, adapting to who these new kids were…moving from group of friends to group of friends…searching desperately for the friendships I had had back in Michigan. I was still stuck in my past…stuffing my anger and making plans to return to "the mitten" once I had graduated. Junior year brought on one of the most incredible experiences I have ever been blessed to be a part of. We adopted my little brother Ethan. By the time I had hit my senior year, I was starving for the Truth I had been overlooking for so long. My Through 3 bible classes and an amazing bible teacher, I began to reflect on the type of person I was. I dove into the word…became intensely passionate about Contemporary Moral Issues, and at one point, stood outside of a Planned Parenthood in protest to abortion. My sense of purpose was back, to do what was right, to spread the gospel, to serve…
We moved…again. Not across town, not across the state…but across the country. Home. I had dreamt about this for 4 years…planned it in my mind…the friends I was going to reconnect with, the mentors I was going to try and replicate…what I had failed to realize is that people change…while I was stuck in my past, everyone was moving forward. Still I dove in to the youth group, desperate to salvage my dream…fighting back anger every step of the way. I loved serving. I served at a domestic abuse shelter…playing with the children upstairs, while their mothers could be pampered for a few hours, putting their vulnerability, fear, and uncertainty down…and picking up and receiving instead, love, hope, and relaxation. I can see those children's faces to this day…the faces of pure joy amidst despair and change. I also served in Toronto at a soup kitchen there…experiencing poverty, brokenness, and prostitution for the first time in person. My heart broke. It was after my first boyfriend who I was with, and gave too much of myself to, broke up with me that my anger that I had been letting fester for so long hardened my heart…i began to turn away from God…I couldn't understand why he kept taking people away from me that meant so much!? I began to find my identity in money, men, and my success in the work place. All three let me down. The men never could fill that gaping hole in my heart…I realized this in January and ended up breaking off an engagement to a wonderful guy who I loved for all the wrong reasons.
However, my anger only intensified…causing me to do, say, and act like someone I have never wanted to be. I was super successful at the Car Dealership I was working at…trying to find my self worth in other men, and was at this point showing ZERO indication that I was a Believer. I was sitting at work one day and could feel nothing but hopelessness. I felt empty, overworked, and used. I realized I had let my job become an idol. I had let certain men in my life control what I thought of myself. I realized I had spat in God's face over and over again. And I realized that He was desperately trying to bring me back to him. So I quit. I gave God the most important thing to me…my job. It was in my time of unemployment that I met with an old friend. I had heard about Adventures in Missions before through a friend who was on the World Race and through this friend who went on a three month trip the year before. I began to ask myself…"Why not?" Why not go? Every excuse sounded weaker and weaker next to my God…Could he not provide the money necessary? Could he not figure out a situation for my dog? Could he not provide for my every need? So I applied.
Instantly my purpose was back, my sense of direction, but this was unlike anything I had ever felt before. I am literally selling everything I own…to go serve the "least of these" for 11 months. And overwhelming JOY filled my heart! Unspeakable Joy! The Joy only our Father can bring! I intend to use the talents my God has given me to Glorify Him and Him alone!
Acts 20:24 "For I consider my life to be worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me-the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace."
I leave July 2013 for the adventure of a lifetime…I am giving God my selfishness, my anger, and everything else that I have let control me.
What's my story? Well I don't know, it isn't finished yet. But I can tell you with confidence that it is rooted in the Lord and that it is full of Hope, Love, and Devotion to Him.
