I don’t often have people ask me what God is teaching me. When the question comes, it always stops me in my tracks. I really think it’s been HIS way of drawing attention to my inner turmoil. See, God and I are on this cycle of sorts. I have my weeks of feeling Him present in everything I do. Then, a change of events occurs that makes me ask the, “What the hell, God?” question. Then I spend a few days just sitting in my anguish, not willing to dig deeper to the root of my frustrations. I outright refuse to look at the new lesson plan He has laid out before me. I actually find that I will literally pull a “LALALALALALALALA. I can’t hear you,” when He starts talking to me about it. I know, it is SOO mature of me.
So, it all started one afternoon. A fellow Racer and I were sitting at a table in the Mures Mall food court during our ministry time. I just watched the seven year-old homeless boy we bought food for run down the hall to give his left over chicken leg to his younger sibling. I was having an “I can’t believe this actually happens,” moment. At this point, it had probably been two weeks since I first started the “Can’t Hear You” game with Father God. At times, I would use miniscule, slightly skewed things to argue my point. What was my point? I really couldn’t tell you to be honest. I think it was anything I could think of to give God a reason why I didn’t want to chat. A few snide “You let this stuff happen” moments and maybe some “You could do something about World Peace” fits of hysteria. None of it really touched the root of the matter.
I was caught off guard when my friend casually asked “What’s the Lord been teaching you lately?” My heart probably beat out of my chest. Accusations of “Why, what do you know?” and “He told you something didn’t He?” wanted to escape out of my mouth but I realized I needed to keep it cool. So I paused to make my thinking face. But I couldn’t stop the thoughts from coming. What IS the Lord trying to teach me…..?
A verse came to mind. Exodus 34:2. It says “Be ready in the morning to climb up Mount Sinai and present yourself to me on the top of the mountain.” To most, this would seem like a filler verse. But for some reason, this stuck out to me in ways I couldn’t understand. At least, I didn’t understand them until I opened my mouth to share it. It was inevitable. The Lord answered my questions by literally speaking out in my own voice. If I wasn’t going to listen to His, He was going to get me to listen using the one voice I rarely ignore – my own.
I was instantly reminded of the story that played out before this verse comes in the scripture. At this point, Moses has led the Israelites out of Egypt. They are in the wilderness. Moses has received instructions from the Lord, gotten angry at His people and broken the tablets (wow, haven’t been there before…). Yet, the Lord still meets Moses in the Tent of Meeting. The Bible even states that they talked face to face as one would talk to a friend. A series of incredible events take place (GO READ IT, skipping for time’s sake). The Lord is giving Moses a second copy of the covenant. In order to do so, He is asking Moses to meet Him on the mountain.
As I am recapping this event to my teammate, I am reminded of the reasons why this verse is so powerful. It amazes me that God is meeting Moses face to face on a daily basis, talking as friends would talk. But in order to give Moses a second copy of the covenant, possibly even a representation of giving Him a second chance to let go of his anger, God calls him to present himself on top of the mountain. That sounds like a lot of effort to me. I mean, Moses talks to God all the time and suddenly God is like, OKAY, time to hike up a mountain, meet you up there!
This is a PERFECT representation of where God has me at the moment. I have talked with Him on a daily basis for some time. I feel His presence most everywhere I go. Then a turn of events played out that had me angry at my circumstance and I was so quick to throw down the “tablets” the Lord gave to me. And now that I have started to come back to my senses the Lord is asking me to climb the mountain.
But right now, I am just circling it. I keep looking up at the mountain thinking, “Man, that’s a lot of effort.” I am not yet prepared. I don’t know if I have the right shoes. I have been out of training for a little while. I know it will be uncomfortable. What if I fail? What if I fall? But the Lord keeps calling, “Present yourself to me on the top of the mountain.”
I was challenged to look at the real fears I have. I haven’t been a Christian that long. What if people think what I say doesn’t hold value? I don’t know how to lead worship. What if people think I don’t belong here? I get angry at God when my life doesn’t turn out the way I expect. What if I ruin it all?
My resolution came once the fear was voiced. If I never climb the mountain, I won’t experience the higher heights I have been called to. God calls us to climb the mountain to take us to the next level. My friend gave me some great advice. “You don’t want to rush the journey because the journey is one of the most beautiful parts. But sometime, it is best to rush INTO the journey. Sometimes you need a running start.”
This made me think of a time when I was younger. I was playing with my cousins in the front yard at my grandmother’s “Cottage in the Woods”. We thought we saw a bear so we took off running into the house.
Sometimes fear will literally cripple us. But other times it gives us that edge we need to run as fast as we can in the right direction. It gives us what we need to get a running start.
