There are times in the Christian life where God seems very distant and far from us. We can’t feel His presence despite how hard we try to connect with Him. My month last month in Nepal was just that, a very dry spiritual desert. Despite waking up at 5:30 am everyday to spend time with God in the Word, journaling, and praying, I never felt so far away from Him. One night while trying to fall asleep I remember asking God Where are you? The answer I got was, I’m right here, closer than I’ve ever been to you.
My relationship with the Lord is not based upon feelings or an experience. I had to keep reminding myself this last month. I believe God was mainly testing me last month to increase my faith in Him, to deepen my trust in Him, and to make me more aware of my complete dependence upon Him on a daily basis of my life. There were times last month in Nepal where I legitimately felt scared not being able to feel God’s presence but the verse I would usually turn to was 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a Spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
I clearly remember last week waiting in the airport to leave Nepal to fly to Thailand hearing God’s voice that the desert season had ended. I felt the Spirit again just like I had before in India. I had this peace back that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7). I had survived a huge test I went through in the desert feeling so far away from God. I had passed the test and my faith has been strengthened.
I’m currently in Chiang Mai, Thailand working at an orphanage for children who are at risk or have been saved from being sold into the sex trafficing industry. The kids are precious. Today I spent the day at the girls home playing kickball and eating lunch with them. One girl taught me how to play guitar. I had tears in my eyes at one point while playing tag with one of the girls. One day, I remember thinking, my dream of having a daughter of my own will be fulfilled. Until then, I got to experience a glimpse of what being a father will be like.
I’ve learned so much already on this mission trip. I’ve changed and pushed myself through difficult and challenging times. I’ve learned what being a servant is. I’ve grown closer with the Lord. And finally, I just passed a huge test in month two, one I’ll remember for quite some time.
