God is working in my heart in ways that are almost impossible to write yet alone express verbally, but here is my best shot, again with complete honesty.
I believe we all have struggled with some sort of addiction at one point or another in our lives. Mine happened to be work. I was a workaholic. While I was doing something I was very passionate about, I ended up using work as a coping mechanism to deal with the pain I felt inside.
The pain was deep. I was holding in pain from years’ ago from traumatic experiences’ I went through in my past. While I strive for transparency, there are certain things that are best left untold; just take my word for it, I’ve had my fair share of pain and suffering.
As Christians, our best days are yet to come and Jesus certainly saves the best wine for last.
God has been preparing my heart for serving Him on this mission trip. Before serving God, however, God needed to break me. With complete honesty, there are times like now (and many times these past 5 months) where the pain runs so deep it causes a deep knot in my stomach. It’s in these times that God will speak to me and remind me He is the Great Physician. He won’t ever let me down. In fact, His presence is very real to me.
I’ve been in ‘the belly of the whale’ (deep sorrow) for just about 5 months now since giving up my coping mechanism. As I reflect back, God has been so faithful. He has been so near. And He has been so patient with me.
Truly, the Lord is MY shepherd.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His names sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For you are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoit my head with oil; My cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Psalm 23.
