You have a voice.
Your words have weight and they are powerful.
God wants to use your voice to impact this world and speak through you.
People around you NEED to hear you.They need to hear you. God needs/wants to hear you.
These words, and words similar, were spoken to me COUNTLESS times by many of my squadmates this past month when we were in Trujillo, and really so often by my own team even in month one.
But the truth did not hit home until one day in particular. It was as if a lightbulb went off in my head- "Wait a minute. I've been told that my 'words have weight' how many times now? I think there is a pattern. Oh. Golly Lord, I guess you're trying to tell me something here."
Never have I ever TRULY viewed myself in the light of having a voice worthy of being heard, much less impacting other people.
It was a head thing, not a heart thing.
I have known in my knowledge that God can use me to speak to people, but in my heart did I completely believe that what I have to offer is valuable and other people actually need it? No.
I am realizing from past instances, when I may have felt my opinion or way of doing something was devalued or shot down, that I may have adopted the thought process of devaluing my own opinions before I even express them. Hence me not seeing myself having a voice that can reach out to and change other people.
I feel as if I have been undergoing surgery in the last month or so, which is so good but not easy.
But as God has surfaced some of these hard things to process, and as I have been facing up to them, I am beginning to see myself and the worth that my ideas and opinions have. I am starting to see and recognize that what I have to say and think and feel matters, and that people actually do want to hear them.
I see a difference and I see growth in myself because now when those negative thoughts and hesitations arise within me, the sweet, gentle whisper of Jesus comes flowing through my heart and says:
I have created you to speak my words, to be my voice in this world. To be my hands, my feet. To have my eyes. As you are now in me, I am in you, we are one. THEREFORE, Your words are no longer Your own, but are Mine flowing through you. You are Me on this earth, in this generation. I have put you here for such a time as this, with purposeful intention. I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU HANGING. I will never fail you. I equip you to walk in full confidence in that promise.
As I am seeing and feeling the life that emits from His words ring true inside of me, I begin to feel more alive and empowered; free.
(photo cred: my best buddy Sarah Riddlebarger)
Also, I begin to see everyone around me the same light and in even more love. I look around at my 6 teammates, who God so perfectly has chosen for team Doulos, and am just in complete and utter awe at times. I see so much beauty in each of them, so much potential in growth in Jesus, it makes my eyes well up in tears just thinking about them.
(photo cred: once again, the wonderful Julie Dickey)
In turn, I see everyone in this way, even people I walk by on the street too:
Three Peruvian boys (nicknamed in my head the tres amigos, hehe) walking down the sidewalk with their arms around each others' shoulders, having a jolly good time together.
The precious 8-year old girl I met the other night who was attached at my hip and had one of the most beautiful/magnetic personalities I have seen in a child.
A group of elderly men who sit together on a bench in the plaza just enjoying the morning together, laughing and cracking jokes.
A moto-taxi driver, who looks dismal and lonely pulls out of his parking spot at the side of the street and zooms away.
A woman who pushes a helado (ice cream) cart around the plaza, just doing her job but really does not look like she wants to be there.
Everyone has so much to offer, and has been offered so much by the Father. I think, at least in my story, it is so true that you cannot see how much you have to offer until you have accepted everything that Jesus so willingly longs to pour out into us.
(photo cred: the beautiful Julie Dickey)
My heart is becoming more and more broken for those around me as I learn more about who I am and who God has made me perfectly to me.
And that my friends excites me to no end, because I know that as I become more confident in who I was created to be, I will become more confident in the value of my voice.
(photo cred: again, my best buddy Sarah Riddlebarger)
"You did it: you changed wild lament into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers. I’m about to burst with song; I can’t keep quiet about you.
God, my God, I can’t thank you enough."
-Psalm 30:11-12 (msg)
