Internet access has been minimal these past two months, so I apologize that I will be posting a couple of blogs at one time in order to update all of you on what’s been going on 🙂 Unfortunately my posts won’t include pictures for now because of the slow connection. This blog is going to recap the second half of my time in Puerto Rico which was spent in the beautiful city of Vega Baja.
Overall in Puerto Rico, the Lord taught me about 1) the beauty of family and being the body of Christ and 2) walking in obedience.
Three teams from our squad were placed together for the month, and the 21 of us formed such a rare and special bond with one another during our time in Puerto Rico. Somewhere in between all of the sermons and testimonies given, the children’s ministry planning, the painting and cleaning of churches, making meals for one another, sleeping on the floor together night after night, worshipping and praying together, celebrating birthdays, making new friends with the locals who we will never forget, having our church van break down in the middle of morning traffic, kayaking through the bioluminescent bay together, and challenging one another to go deeper in our relationships with Jesus, we became family.
And they are the best World Race family I could have ever asked for. I see Jesus in each and every one of them and seeing how the Lord is using them to bring glory to His Kingdom here in Latin America has been an incredible blessing.
The second lesson the Lord spoke to me about this month was regarding obedience. One day I was at the store and decided to buy a keychain as a reminder of my time in Puerto Rico. The keychain was in the shape of a key with a heart on one end and “Puerto Rico” inscribed within the heart.
A few days later I was journaling and I decided to ask the Lord a question I’ve been avoiding for the past few months. “What does obedience look like for me right now, Father?” I sat in silence for several minutes before He finally showed me an image of that same key I had purchased days earlier, and He said to me, “I cannot offer you the key that opens the door in front of you until you choose to close the doors that are behind you.”
When I left for the World Race, there were several doors that closed—such as not being able to see friends or family for 11 months, leaving my job, missing weddings and graduations, birthdays, and no longer being able to hold my nieces and my nephew. I knew when I chose to leave home that these doors would be closed automatically—in a way, it was inevitable and out of my control.
But then there were others doors… ones that I had to choose whether I was going to leave open or closed. These included my struggles with pride and comparison, people pleasing, my insecurities, as well as certain relationships in my life. All were doors that needed to be closed in order to be given entry into the fullness of what was to come in the future.
That night the Lord convicted me of leaving certain doors cracked “just in case”, returning to doors I had previously closed and peering through the keyhole to get a glimpse of the past, and just blatantly leaving some doors open and walking back and forth through these doors as I pleased.
I told the Lord that I wasn’t ready to shut those doors. That I needed them. I didn’t want to lose access to some of those doors, especially the relationships. I could walk away from them temporarily, but shutting them and locking them forever, never looking back? I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t do that.
And so He told me that if I wasn’t ready to be obedient and close those doors, then I also wasn’t ready to receive the blessings, growth, and intimacy that was waiting for me on the other side of the doors in front of me.
But in that moment where I began to sink, feeling weak and selfish and stubborn, He spoke a beautiful and reassuring truth over me:
“Trust me. I am asking you to close those doors because I love you. Remember that sometimes I have you close doors because what’s on the other side isn’t quite ready yet. Perhaps one day I will lead you to walk through one of those doors again, but it will look so much different. It will be beautiful and perfect, because it will be in my timing. Trust me. Choose to walk in obedience, and I will bless you.”
And so I made the decision to say “yes” to Jesus, and to follow Him, no matter what the cost. I made up my mind to walk in obedience, trusting Him completely with my past, my present, and my future. He is, after all, the author of time itself.
What decision is Jesus asking you to make today? Will you deny yourself, your plans, your desires, and your dreams in order to say “yes” to what He has for you?
“Yet not as I will, but as you will.” –Matthew 26:39b
