Staying connected to my family and friends at home has been both easy and difficult throughout my time away. Thanks to wifi, I am able to scroll through my best friends’ instagrams, FaceTime my family, and even stay up-to-date on all the news in America that I desperately want to know. I have been astounded by and so thankful for the ability to connect to others from the other side of the world.
However, it’s quite amazing how the same old difficulties with social media at home can still creep up on me from thousands of miles away, too.
I’m talking COMPARISON. I wish it didn’t consume my mind so much. From body image to talent to success and so much more, it seems I let the thought slip into my mind that the grass really is greener on the other side.
Someone wise once said (and forgive me if you’ve heard me say this before, because I say it quite often), “don’t compare someone’s highlight reel to your behind the scenes.” It’s a little cheesy, but it’s something I try to believe in my head and my heart.
We live in a world that tweaks and filters and plasters a smile, whether fake or not, onto anything and everything. We are told to be happy, and we are made to believe that the whole world should know we are, too. We should not mess up. We should not express too much. Essentially, try your best to be perfect. Honestly, that’s been my mindset for far too long. My personality directs me toward perfection all the time. It’s a habit I ask the Lord to break of me every day, especially since I’ve come on this trip. So, if my mind is already directing me toward this, how much more detrimental is it to have all of society direct me toward it, too? I hope some, if not most, of you are trekking with me here and can relate.
In her book, Rising Strong, Brené Brown talks about how maybe we should simply believe that everyone around us is doing the best they can. She quotes her husband saying that “All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best.” Ah, I agree wholeheartedly. I say that we should let that be enough.
That even in the midst of someone else’s mistakes, we turn to one another and say, “You know what? You’re doing the best you can,” rather than believing that they’re out to get you with whatever they’ve done. And in the midst of our very own mistakes, may we speak it over ourselves that, “God, I believe that I’m doing the best I can. Let that be enough.” And the weight is literally lifted off of our hearts.
So, instead of spiraling into the only things that can come from comparison— pride or low self-esteem— we combat it with truth and with grace. When we look down on others for their mistakes or flaws, pride and arrogance follow. When we compare ourselves to others and think of ourselves as lesser or when we beat ourselves up far too much for our own mistakes and flaws, low self-esteem and shame will follow. Neither of these are useful for building up the Kingdom. I can tell you that much.
And I can also tell you that I have been a perpetrator of both. Though I continue to struggle with comparison, unfortunately, I know that asking the Lord for contentment each and every morning is something that can help me and you and all of us to defeat it.
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of romanticizing another life or location. I’m on the trip of a lifetime, seeing sights and wonders that I have never seen before and might not ever see again, but sometimes I still long for home. And it sometimes leads me to question my very decision to come. On the other hand, there may be people at home that are looking at my life and wishing they could be in my shoes. Whatever the situation may be, I know I am all too often wishing for something more, just too caught up in the overly longful thinking about the past— what could have been— or the future— what could be.
Instead, I pray that the Lord will recall to me the blessings that have been so freely bestowed. I know that my God is all-loving and that my Beloved desires to heal my past and keep me dreaming for the future, but I also know that a contentment in God will free me of so many damaging thoughts. It will instead direct me to gratefulness and joy and freedom.
It certainly doesn’t mean that those are the things I experience. Or that emotions are not allowed. Instead, I believe it frees us to experience them all. Rather than believing the lie that there is something we’re supposed to be— happy, skinny, rich, etc. etc. etc.— instead this contentment in Christ frees us to be who Jesus already knows we are. Our Creator already has every day of our lives written down, so how beautiful it is to trust that God will keep introducing us to ourselves more and more as we become exactly who we were molded to be! Thriving. Joyful. Strong. Brave. Thankfully, this list is goes on far longer than the list of who we’re supposed to be, and I’m so thankful for that.
Basically, I’ve been struggling with comparison most of my life. I’ve believed that I can always be better in some area, and while that may be true, it doesn’t mean I should ever dwell on it. It does not mean that it should drive me to sadness, and it certainly shouldn’t consume my thoughts. My God has got bigger things for me to do. For you to do. Don’t even give those negative thoughts a foothold. They are never worth your time. Our Beloved cares about the condition of our heart, cares about restoring it to wholeness, and also cares a whole lot about seeing you do big, strong, good things for the Kingdom.
This comparison thing will be something that might creep up for most of my life, but guess what? I have a God who can tell it to get out. I have a God who calls me to something greater— to water my own grass. I know that God will always provide the growth.
