But after a hard day of being the good student, son, brother, friend–you toss your “perfect Christian” disguise to the floor and saddle up to your keyboard. For the next twenty minutes, you surrender to your most basic instincts. Out of sight from all your teachers, co-workers, friends and family, you succumb to a moment of passion. You tell yourself, “I’m not hurting anyone. Just one more time. Besides, I AM a good Christian, this is just a minor exception to my normally moral behavior.” Once finished, you reapply your good Christian disguise and continue on as if nothing has happened.
In the past, you have tried quitting. You were even successful for a time, but like those diet and exercise routines you planned out each New Year’s, your attempts never lasted. Eventually, you figured out how to get around your internet filter, or you got comfortable lying to your accountability partner. For now, you have basically given up on your will to quit.
Somehow, you have convinced yourself that if you ever really need to quit, you have the will power to do it, but for now its easier just to postpone it. Even though your whole life pattern seems to suggest you are unable to fight the problem on your own, you feel as if when the right justification comes along, it will be easy. Maybe you are figuring that marriage will solve the problem, because you will have another outlet for your lust. Maybe you are waiting until things settle down, after school ends or the job gets less stressful. Until then, you will just carry on as if nobody knows, as if God isn’t watching.
This is my story. This is probably your story too. Whether you are male or female, Christian or non-Christian, you likely are familiar with this testimony. You have resigned yourself to succumbing to temptation. You have accepted defeat. Whenever the subject of pornography is brought up, that feeling of shame and guilt stirs in you. So you make small promises to yourself that you will make a better effort to quit–“this time you really mean it…”
And yet, you know that you are unwilling to really give it up.
You aren’t willing to do what you know it takes to overcome the struggle once and for all.
You care way to much about your hypocritical “good Christian” mask to actually be a good Christian!
God told me to write this blog for YOU. Although I don’t know your name, God ordained this moment and He is convicting your heart right now to return to Him. You know that I am speaking the truth. Listen carefully to His words and search for strength in Him and I promise you can overcome this.
What your friends think doesn’t matter. What your parents think doesn’t matter. What your church leaders, boss, and co-workers think don’t matter! Stop pretending. Stop Lying! That’s ultimately what this all boils down to. You’re not an honest person. Look how dishonest you have been to everyone around you. You’ve lost count of the number of times you’ve lied to protect your embarassing secret. You’ve kept people who have genuinely cared for you at a distance because you were so afraid of them finding out. You’ve resorted to sneaking around and crafting false alibis to protect your private time of debauchery. Face it, you have zero people who you have been completely honest with. Zero people who actually know the truth. Zero people who actually know you.
And all this for what!?! For some brief moments of physical gratification? You have sacrificed a lifetime of intimate honest friendships for this?!? Oh, if you had any idea the sacrifice you have made. You have forfeited countless moments of true joy for something so worthless and unsatisfying. If you had turned to God as your source of refuge, he would have given you so much more. He would have given you a joy that is lasting, a joy that can satiate your hungers once and for all.
You need to understand this. As of right now, you’re sins are forgiven. All your past mistakes don’t matter. I will say it again, every single sin you have ever committed has already been forgiven. Thanks to God’s mercy, every bad thing you have ever done up until this moment is completely forgotten. Every furtive moment behind closed doors, every misleading excuse you made to your family and friends. All forgiven. Praise God for He alone has the power to forgive sins.
You have a clean slate. As of right now, you are the “good Christian” you pretend to be. But you still have a sinful nature. Satan will not surrender the battle over your heart so easily. Prepare yourself for the coming attack. You will soon be tempted again. There is only one way to defend yourself from Satan’s upcoming assault. You absolutely must commit to the truth. You must stop living in the darkness where secrets and lies provide a stronghold for Satan to manipulate you. You must be open and honest about your struggles to prevent Satan from reapplying his stranglehold over your heart. You need to confess to your Christian friends everything that you are struggling with. You need to be completely open and honest about everything. Don’t be vague or sugarcoat anything. Any small lies only leave wiggle-room for Satan to return. Chances are, your friends have, or are still suffering from the same temptations.
Call up a trusted church leader or best friend and immediately confess all that God has placed on your heart. Don’t worry about what that person will think of you. It doesn’t matter. It is far better to have people know the truth about your life and know that you aren’t as perfect as you pretend to be than to suffer with this debilitating disease. Your friends aren’t going to like you any less. They know they aren’t perfect and they will probably be more focused on their own secrets, deciding whether or not they have the guts to confess to you.
Next, be honest with other important Christians in your life. I know our pride tells us that we want to have everything together, but I promise you that it is much better to have an honest relationship than a false image that casts yourself in a good light. I guarantee that we are all putting up fronts and if we just let our guards down for a few minutes, we can finally experience genuine loving relationships.
So you think this will be just like all the other failed attempts to quit. Let me tell you, its not. This time, you aren’t going to rely on your own strength. This time it won’t be you versus Satan. This time, you are going to rely on God’s strength. And let me tell you from experience, God always wins. Always. “He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13. Satan only has power in the darkness, when truth is absent. He can only win if you insist on having your secrets and trying to fight the battle alone. But as long as you keep the battle in the light and are open and honest with your Christian friends, Satan cannot win.
So what are you waiting for, go make that call right now. Go write that long email. Whatever it takes, just get the secrets and lies off your chest immediately. You have no idea how good it feels to be free. Better than all the perverted fantasies you’ve ever imagined, living in truth in Christ is so much more wonderful. Please, I implore you, go be completely honest with someone right now. Experience the peace that comes in Christ.
Lest I be a hypocrite. I openly confess to having struggled with pornography for pretty much my entire adult life. Though I would win small battles and give it up temporarily, I inevitably would fail and return to my old ways. I would try to deal with the issue on my own and do small self-help measures to fix the problem. But ultimately, I was dooming myself to fail. Whether I realized it or not, I had made a choice to place my own pride and self image ahead of my actual growth as a Christian, as a human being. Even on this trip, as a missionary giving up a year of his life for God, I still continue to struggle with the same lusts I had back home. It is only by God’s grace that he has placed other Christians around me with whom I can be open and keep myself out of my private, secret darkness. God is good and as long as I don’t rely on my own strength, and instead heed his voice, He will not fail me.
To the rest of you…
Women, this applies just as much to you as it does to men. I know firsthand how many good Christian women struggle with addictions to pornography. Don’t be intimidated thinking you are unique and its not something women do. You aren’t a special case and I bet many of your friends deal with the same struggles.
For those of you that are fortunate enough to not struggle with pornography, you know there are other areas of your life to which this message applies. Release your secrets into the light and you too can experience the same restoration in Christ. Satan thrives when you are alone and act in secret.
For everyone, please be aware that many of your friends are struggling with pornography. Cast politeness aside and be a real friend and please don’t be afraid to bring it up with the other person privately. Don’t be ashamed to be open and honest about your own weaknesses to show them that Christians aren’t perfect. If you think this blog would be beneficial to them, please feel free to forward it to anyone.
Be open and honest with everyone, even if it means that you are the only one who doesn’t “have it all together.” People will respect you so much more because of it and you can be the catalyst in a greater revival of being open, honest and truthful. I hope the video below is as meaningful to you as it was me.
