I encountered my first major failure of the trip this past
week. One of my teammates has been
having unbearable headaches and after days of praying throughout the day, her
condition wasn’t improving. Having
recently read verses 17:20-21 and 18:19-20 and in Matthew, we decided we should
begin a fast in addition to continued prayer.
NIV 17:20-21 “…I tell you the truth, if you have faith as
small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘move from here to
there’ and it will move. Nothing
will be impossible for you…But this kind does not go out except by prayer and
fasting.“
NIV 18:19-20 “I tell you that if two of you on earth
agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in
heaven. For where two or three
come together in my name, there I am with them.”
After 48 hours and no noticeable improvement, doubt sprouted
throughout the group. Why wasn’t she
being healed? Is it because we
don’t have enough faith? Is it
because are not “agreeing” about what we are asking for? Are we not coming together “in his
name?” Or maybe we just don’t
understand the verses in context?
To be honest, even after discussing the issue with numerous people and
hearing numerous different perspectives, I still am not really sure what I
believe.
At the very least, I have learned that I can’t try to put
God into some sort of formula. Prayer + Fasting ≠ Result I Expect. Although our faith would certainly have
been further strengthened if God had healed our team member, for some reason,
He chose not to. I must remember
that, despite my desire to plan ahead and always be in control, I can never
fathom God’s ways. Like a fish
trying to understand the human mind, incapable of appreciating all that goes on
above the surface, so to do I flounder in futility trying to conceive the
thoughts of God. Both David (his
dying son) and Paul (his thorn) were mighty men of God who had fervent prayers
go unanswered. Yet despite God’s
decision not to answer their prayers, they went on unhindered seeking after
God.
No, God did not give the result that we hoped for and expected. No, I wouldn’t feel confident expecting God to act exactly according to my time preferences in the future. And No, I do not grasp the real meaning behind the above verses. But Yes, I know God still loves me. Yes, He wants what is best for me and allows me to face trials and hardships in order to grow me. And yes, I will continue to pray to the Lord in Obedience and with hope that His will shall be done.
