“How was training camp?”
I blanked. What could I say? That I felt like I had lived 20 years in a week? That despite how freezing wet it was, I had trouble leaving? Would anyone understand the reason behind the sobbing, the dancing – would it make sense? How can it be that I could make so many close brothers and sisters after a week of being together? We cried, laughed, prayed together, every pore of our being screaming out our Creator’s name. My brain is spinning with all the information and the experiences – I begin to understand the seemingly crazy decisions of alumni; suddenly it all starts to make sense. I’m coming out of my shell and learning how to live in community with others – and enjoying it in the process. I’m beginning to think that sharing space, food, and other items with everyone isn’t too bad. I can even put myself out there to know other people and to be honest with them, being in an accountability group. If you had told me I would feel like this a week ago, I would have laughed in your face.
How can I tell this to people when I barely have a point of reference myself for what happened at training camp? I’m still hammering things out in my own head. I’m trying to dispel the fear that I will lose everything I’ve learned and have been through as I go through the next eleven weeks preparing for launch. This will probably be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, and also possibly the most rewarding, if I let it. I have heard people’s stories and wondered what I would do in their position – and I’m about to find out.
It’s crazy how God has been preparing me for this – the curriculum in one Bible study I’m in is eerily similar to the another, separate group from a different church. Which is also eerily similar to training camp’s ideas – with a completely different organization. The three, separate from each other, converge in my mind as one message: I’m supposed to do this. It was hard to put myself out there when I began to attend each of these groups – but it has been so worth it.
It’s hard to explain to anyone who was not there with me. What I do know is that I will be attacked with more force now. Please pray for me.
