As my 11th month on The Race comes to an end, I have been reminiscing about what I have learned and the moments that have forever changed me. Obviously these moments are countless because there have been so many but I would like to share some of my most impactful moments from my race.
-In Thailand, I broke into a million pieces. We were at a place called “Heaven and Hell” that the Buddhist had built. As we walked through “Heaven” I saw sculptures of different animals that they consider holy. They believe that once you die you will become one of these animals if you were faithful. Then we headed into “The Pit of Hell”. Not even being down there a minute I knew I needed to leave. There were sculptures of different kinds of torture. Yes, they were horribly disturbing but that’s not why I needed out. I left because Hell is much worse than what I was seeing. It is a world without God. As I sat on a bench outside of the compound, I broke into a million pieces. That’s the moment I truly asked God into my heart and asked Him to always keep me in His arms.
-Squadmates who were strangers who are now family and forever in my life and heart!
-Riding on a train to Prague with four friends, seriously concerned we were going to get heat stroke. Sweat was pouring off of us like we were in an actually sauna, literally.
-In Macedonia I realized the same broken person that walked onto the field 313 days ago will be the same one that goes home in 13 days. I am a broken person. I may be making the same mistakes from my past these last 11 months, that doesn’t mean I am that person still. It just means I am a broken person who makes mistakes and needs God’s strength more than ever. I will always be a broken person but I will be going home knowing the holy spirit is in me and that God is for me. Always. And I will never stop fighting for more of Him.
-Competing with Jess over who loves Jason and Sara more. Clearly it is me but that is besides the point. Jason and Sara are one of our married couples. They are amazing people and an even more incredible couple. They make it easy to love them!!
-Crying for hours because team dynamics are not working.
-Going to Phi Phi island with Jenny, Laura, and Stefani. This was a short trip. We weren’t even on the island for 24 hours but why we were there is what will forever remain with me. Jenny had lost a friend a few years back and her ashes were spread off the shores of the beach there. Hearing Jenny reminisce about all the good times with her friend and seeing the joy on her face because she got to be reunited with her friend for a night, was truly amazing.
-Community living means giving and taking. It means that even if you have a perfect plan of how you are going to live in perfect harmony, things are still going to go wrong. Being around people 24/7, I mean twenty four seven, will push you to grow in ways you don’t want to be pushed. There were moments when things were said out of exhaustion or hunger that hurt people. But there was also so much love and laughter. My first team knew I was not a physical touch person but somewhere during my 4 months with them they turned me into a physical touch person. I’m definitely not a high physical touch but I do crave it from time to time.
-Cleaning our apartment in Macedonia while singing it’s a hard knock life.
-During a squad worship session in Cambodia, Laura and I crying on the ground behind everyone. We had just spent the last 4 months together and that was the last night we were going to be together. We had our first team change and we were on different teams now. I was not going to be woken up by Laura saying in her sweet, kind, loving voice “Bre. Bre it’s time to get up” anymore. That was when I realized Laura was an amazing friend, a strong woman of God and would forever be my sister in Christ.
-I learned how to trust people that I don’t want to trust while I was in India. Not because they aren’t trustworthy people but because I don’t know how they are going to respond to what I am saying. This was also the month God showed my team and I how to put it all out there for Him. It was an amazing month that was on fire. It literally felt that way towards the end of the month because it was getting so hot.
-Falling in love with a 10 year old boy in Guatemala.
-Giving up in Nepal because “what’s the point?” then realizing the next month while in India God is the point.
-BOTSWANA! Ah, this was my favorite month. I was in love with the country, the people were amazing, the culture was beautiful, my team was loving and we lifted each other up, the team we were partnered with challenged and loved me in ways I never could have considered, and God blew my mind! Living on the Delta and not having wifi as a distraction, I spent so much more time with Him. Nature and worship are my top two ways i encounter the holy spirit and that month I felt the holy spirit always. I even grew in my relationship with nature and I began to appreciate how creative our God is. How he created all the different flowers and animals of the world. That is why after 27 years, I finally decided to get baptized. 🙂
-Laughing so much that I would almost pee my pants. Almost! Crying more than I ever have in my life.
-Having an AMAZING Thanksgiving meal and day in the Philippines.
-Having an Olympic sized pool only a half of a block away that we swim in morning and night while in Slovakia.
-Being on the edge of giving up and going home countless times. Not wanting to have to have a buddy everywhere I go. Wanting a bathroom to myself. More CnC’s? Ugh. Taking the most uncomfortable transportation for hours on hours. Once for 3 days.
-FaceTiming my parents for the first time. I only had been gone a couple weeks but I cried for a long time after. Having my parents join me in the field and watching them crave more of the Kingdom through the smiling faces in Africa.
-Playing in the street during an intense storm in Nicaragua. Then our contact calling and saying “There are three girls in the street outside of your house in the street” and us running back inside laughing hysterically.
-Having church in a mud house in Nicaragua. This was when I felt the holy spirit enter into a small, small place that was full of hearts for Jesus. This is when I realized the church is not a building or place. The church is us. The church is you, me, my squad, and every person around the world.
-When I was in Greece with my team for a weekend trip, God asked me to trust Him with something that I didn’t agree with. It is easy, well easier, to follow God’s commands when we agree with them but what about when we don’t agree with them? This was that moment for me. In that moment I did not see how it could bring any good for anyone, especially me. But over the next two weeks I watched God work and make good, good fruit from it. And now more than ever, I trust Him even when I don’t see the bigger picture.
-A handful of lengthy talks with Chris on roofs. Which would range from deep discussions about God to silly talks about our feelings on aliens. And of course his beautiful wife, Margeaux. She loves so well and so patiently. A strong women of God. They both love me so well separately and even more together.
-A couple times over the last 11 months I received some bad news from home. One of them was the day before Easter when I was in Swaziland. My grandma had been diagnosed with stage three ovarian cancer. I am not good at bringing people into my struggles and even on month 8 of my race I was still hesitant to bring my team into my pain over this. But I did. And the way they came around me and loved me so deeply and unconditionally was amazing.
I could go on for days about everything and everyone that have touched my heart over the last 11 months. I’ve gone to church services in buildings, houses, mud huts, in the shade of a tree, and on buses. I spent a countless amount of hours in a trench in Guatemala, evangelized/painted/moved bricks in Nicaragua, worked with street kids in the Philippines, played with the cutest thai toddlers while on breaks from painting the outside wall at a daycare in Thailand, taught English in Cambodia, did friendship ministry in Nepal, worshipped and prayed while in India, sang songs and taught bible lessons to kids at a care point in Swaziland, did a womens bible study in Botswana, foodistry in Macedonia and found future contacts for AIM while in Slovakia. It wasn’t always my “main” ministry that impacted my month. A lot of times it was the small moments like the ones I listed. It has truly been a life changing year and I don’t plan on ending the adventure anytime soon. Yes, my race ends in 13 days. But my relationship with God is growing daily and my desire to do missions, stateside and overseas, grows more passionate daily.
