Finishing Guatemala
The last day of ministry was full of tears and sorrow. Despite language barriers, we had somehow built these great relationships with all the staff and kids at Mi Arca. The volunteer coordinator, Jony, even sang us a heartfelt song as we had ministry with them for one last day. Looking back at all the memories, it was such a beautiful time. Simply becoming friends with these people and just doing life with them was so powerful. I didn’t realize how much a simple presence means to someone.
fun fact: Guess who I ran into in the airport in Guatemala? My friend’s family from Prescott! Small world indeed.
I’ll never forget these amazing friends.
We made it to South Africa!
After leaving part of ourselves in Guatemala, we flew into South Africa and started our week-long debrief. Debrief is where the whole squad comes together to get some time to relax and get poured into. It was a much needed time for me, as I was burned out from the last few weeks of activities in Guatemala.
We stayed at a hostel called Old Vic which is run by a guy appropriately named “Crazy Dave.” He is a rambunctious guy with a super colorful personality. He proudly displays a picture of him with Donald Trump on the wall from when he ran into him after running the New York Marathon. It was at Old Vic that we watched that man on the wall become our new president. Oh dear.
Getting past my past
Honestly, I struggled quite a bit before leaving for South Africa. Through simply doing life for God and with other people, many old wounds I had not dealt with resurfaced, leaving me pretty emotionally down when I was rubbed the wrong way.
Through a great conversation with one of the Squad coaches, Tim (a seriously amazing man) is, I found that lot of my pain was rooted from disappointing people with unrealistic expectations of me. As a result, I spent a lot of my life striving to be the perfect person: get the grades, never miss a deadline, never hurt anyone’s feelings, be the nice guy… be “invincible.” That way I would give people every reason to not be disappointed in me.
For example, when I joined the Race, part of what I had in mind was to be the best Racer. You know, be the guy with all the spiritual depth, dedication, hunger for change that the Race requires of people. These were all wonderful attributes, don’t get me wrong, but I was partially acting in this attitude of striving. In the end, all the striving led to burn out and disappointment. I found myself bummed that I had not made the progress I had set out to make.
Meeting Jesus in my brokenness
I’ve started to see the joy in being broken. That is where some of the most powerful moments with Jesus happen, after all. I’ve heard God’s comforting voice so clearly in these past few weeks, whether it’s through people or just from being in quiet, lonely places during quiet time. I have heard God say so clearly to me: “I haven’t been upset at what you haven’t been doing!” It was so powerful to hear, especially when I was in that mindset where I was constantly worried about what I need to do or regretting what I didn’t do for God or people lately.
I’ve found that it’s not just God’s love that impacts me, but where I encounter the love of God. Whether it’s in the middle of my sin and shame or even on a literal top of a mountain, I cannot seem to find a place where Jesus isn’t willing to meet me with His loving gaze. The best moments in the Race have been when I go to a new place either spiritually, emotionally, or physically and meeting Jesus there.
And that fact that He wants to meet with just me. Oh my gosh. This famous-legendary-King of Heaven’s Armies-Creator actually likes and wants to be with me. Just me (not that He doesn’t want to chill with you too). And when we meet, He doesn’t show up disappointed and upset. He likes what he sees when He sees me.
He just wants to hang out with me because he wants to. And when we hang out, I start to bring up all my problems and worries and struggles, but instead I feel this comforting wave that says “Ahh… We’ll worry about that later. Let’s just get close. Keep your eyes on me and my love.” How can I not worship Jesus?
When I really think about that, it becomes clear to me that my life really hinges on how God loves me, and not so much about how I love God. I fall short on the reg, whether it’s a lack of action or just a straight up bad decision. But the gaze of Jesus meets me every time, the same way, and its just so clear I don’t need to worry so much about myself or my problems. It sure takes away so much anxiety!
Ministry in South Africa
Let me start this way: The Holy Spirit is alive and well here. Oh my gosh. So you know how all these healings and miraculous things happen in the bible? Well, they happen here too. We went out on a few prayer/evangelism walks in the neighborhood with our ministry hosts and saw people made well on the spot. Despite some phony moments, we saw knee pain removed, joint pain removed, a man on a cane become well and leave his cane behind. It’s cray.
One girl on our squad had an anxiety attack because she started speaking in tongues and was having these crazy faith/prophetic moments while praying and she didn’t know what was happening to her. It’s insane, just like the book of Acts! I remember watching these documentaries on modern day acts of the Holy Spirit and seeing these healings and things happen, and I yearned to be part of it personally.
Thank you Jesus for taking me to my dreams and even further than that. I’ve learned that all this stuff happens for the glory of God, and the glory of God is displayed so powerfully when people are healed in a way that makes people adore Jesus instead of the healing. All the dreams brought to reality in my life only happened by the hand of God.
What is next?
All the dudes of the squad, 9 in total, are all going to be together for 2 months in the yonder mountains of Lesotho. It’s going to be a blast and an adventure and everything in between. How can we not have a great time together and develop a deep brotherhood? And how can we not grow together as we learn how to really live as men of God? All I can expect is transformation and unforgettable times.
Please pray for all of the guys to grow in their relationships with God, for us to grow in wisdom and for deeper intimacy and obedience to God. Pray that we follow the Spirit as we live together, because I know that when we do that we find a beautiful balance of having fun and also going deep with each other.
So this was my life in a nutshell for the past month and a half. Thank you all for reading! For those of you back at home – thank you for all your support both financially and spiritually. Your prayers are felt. God is moving. And I hope all of you are loving life!
-Brandon
