I guess that I haven’t explained the purpose behind my last two blogs. Other than to give a recap, it has been to transition a new season. My first month in Africa was spent in Kitale, Kenya, working with a bishop that oversees close to if not more than 130 churches. He couldn’t show us all he did in one month, but made an effort to highlight it. After 30 days at this ministry, our longest time spent in one place this year, we headed back to Nairobi where transition and change was waiting in the wings.
For most of Kenya, the Lord had put it on my heart to pray for some rest. I spent half of the month making sure that I wasn’t just copping out and giving up. I knew that either way He has so much to teach me. I told my leaders my heart and gave it back to the Lord. The last day of debrief, I found out that my prayers were answered and I was no longer leading a team. Thus the new season I speak of. 8 months of reflection have come forward and sat with me for the last month and a half now.
When I blog, I try to splay out my heart. I feel like I couldn’t move forward until looking back and trying to learn from it. I know that there will be more of that once I am home. But I am trying to learn how to go about the process. For most of my life, I didn’t even think about the past or the future. And when I thought about the now, it was from a standpoint of what I wanted and stopped at that. Jesus is my teacher and I am so hungry to learn from Him and so I have literally been looking back with Him and trying to learn from my mistakes. Lots to learn from. Oh boy, His grace tastes so sweet!
I am currently in Morogoro, Tanzania with my new team. We have been together now for a little over 40 days and spent our first month in Uganda. We were in Rukungiri working with an all-boys school. To paint a better picture of where Rukungiri is without you having to look at a map, we were about thirty miles from the borders of both Rwanda and the Congo. It was one of the best months I had on the race and I had Malaria for one of the weeks.
In reflection, I realized how much pressure I had put on myself to be a “good” team leader in the eyes of all around me. What did I learn you ask? You can’t please everyone and when you try, you just might die in the process. In this new role, I am learning to lead by following, something I had explained to me in Honduras month two and yet had no grasp on. I thought I needed a title. I thought I needed to do everything right. I tried everything I could to please my leaders and my teammates. I failed. Ok, that’s not entirely true. I only fail if I choose not to learn from it.
Now I get to be me. I get to serve more than I have in a long time. Maybe ever. I get to pursue in a setting not constrained by what I saw as an obligation. The weight of performance is leaving, I hope forever. I get to cook! For the second month in a row! For those of you who do not know, I love to cook! I get to prepare for what’s next. I will be righting about that soon. I get to pursue the Lord with all of my heart!
I think I am more hungry for Jesus than I ever have been. I am reading the Bible with renewed zeal. I am waking up at four in the morning and praying for hours without setting alarms. I am worship all day. I don’t put these things to get a pat on the back. And the best part is that it is not out of obligation, but desire. When I was home, the situation was controllable. I chose what church I would go to and when. I found different ministries that suited different needs. I chose the people I was in community with. I had consistent connection with those closest to me.
On the World Race, nothing is certain. In Africa power and internet are luxuries and commodities (they can be expensive). Not everyone wants to worship all day. Not everyone is in the same place as I am emotionally or spiritually. I haven’t talked to those close to me in far too long. The woman I love is about to end her 11 month journey and I don’t even know how she feels about it. Recently after traveling for days, I came back on the internet to find out that my nephew had broken His arm. I am disconnected. Nothing is constant.
Well, that’s not entirely true. Actually what this tangent has been leading up to, is that He is the only constant. I need Him more than ever and I have to choose to fight for Him. We had an English service last Sunday in which we sang some 90’s Christian songs. It was so awesome! It made me realize just how deprived I have been from services that I can understand or even without translators. I can count on one hand the amount of English services I have been to in 9 1/2 months.
I long to soak in the river of some worship back home. I long to hold my niece and nephew. To talk with my family face to face. To wrap my arms around the woman of my dreams and never let go. I have 46 days left on my first journey of many and I have decided one thing. I am going to end blazing hot. I am getting off that plane on fire for the Living God whom I love with all my he
