You know, I though long and hard about how i was going to write this blog. It is such a long and intense story. One of which I cannot truely convey through the written word as well as if I were able to speak to you all in person. So I will just lay it out for you the very best that I can. I did the craziest thing at our 8 month debrief…It rocked my world, shook up Y-squad, and made God smile as widely as i can imagine only he could. I stepped down as a team leader (dun dun dun)!
I chose, on my own volition to release my authority to another. It was the single most difficult decision that I have had to make and probably will have to make on the World Race, and it all came down to a simple reason…God asked me to. I have been given much authority and trust as a team leader. Part of that trust, is that I am able to discern when God is speaking his will into my life. Toward the end of month 3 I heard an inkling of something in the back of my mind saying that I was going to step aside as a leader before the race was over. What? Where did that come from? Over the course of the following months it became clearer. Here is what God was telling me…"Brandon, before the end of the race I am going to ask you to choose, on your own accord, to step aside as a team leader. I leave this up to you. If you choose to stay on as a leader, I will bless you and you will excell and it will be great. But, I am asking you to make the difficult choice and step aside…And I will bless you in that too."
That has been my wrestling match. My "Jacob moment" if you will. All my life people have told me that they trust me with responsibility but rarely have I been given the opportunity to be trusted. Now I have truely been given this great honor and God is asking me to give it up. No thanks. Honestly, I really wanted to stick it out. I wanted to stay on as a leader and take the team, running for the gold, all the way to the finish line. That would have been easier. But in this instance God had asked me to make the difficult choice; the choice that changes everything about my race and would leave me vulnerable and completely humble. I listened to counsel, I thought about what I desire most, and most of all, I prayed. And prayed, and prayed. For peace in my decisions. For strength to stand firm. For courage to follow through. Counsel told me that they supported me whatever I decided…Clearly I still had to make this choice on my own. My desire was desperately to please God, but did that outweigh my desire to carry authority, position, honor, or even the burden of a team on my shoulders? Prayer told me that if I did this, God would be there and he would be so proud of my obedience. And then there was the fear. Fear of disappointing people if I did it, knowing that teams would change; squad leaders would have a headache all week trying to figure that out, and people may be angry with me. Fear of disappointing God if I didn't obey. God then was so great. He said that he would take care of it. All I had to do was make the choice and he would do the rest.
Obedience. That is the word of the day. That is what it all came down to. So, I really knew what I had to do. I had to be as bold as a lion, humble as a mouse, and obey my God. So the rest is history. I am now a member of the team. 5 of us are still the same. We ended up trading around 2 members, one of them becoming our new team leader. And, the burden was lifted. The struggle was instantly gone, I was able to see how much God had planned among the whole squad by me making that one choice. And it was good stuff. He has completely blessed me in my decision. I am able to focus on building up a new team leader because goodness knows that she will be feeling many of the things I felt at first. I can see the team from another perspective so I may be able to contribute differently. And what is really great is, God did not take away my leadership…No, he gave me a firmer foundation of the leadership that already existed. You see, I am a lion of a different color. I didn't fight for more power and authority. I gave it up, and in doing so on god's command, I gained so much more in the Kingdom! It's not often you find that kind of thing. I feel like the man who was given 10 talents and invested to earn more. He was honored above the rest. Praise God that I may humble myself before him and obey his direction for my life. Thanks for stickin' it out with me on this blog. I know it's a longer one than usual. I'll try and keep you all posted on how not being a team leader has been going here in Ukraine.
Truly
The Man With Unclean Lips,
Brandon Barnum
