“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." –Luke 14:26-27
When I decided to follow Christ, I chose to follow him wherever he led me. I did not give him stipulations, regulations, or rules as to where he was allowed to go. I did not determine the boundaries in which Jesus was confined to travel. Instead, I trusted him enough to care for me as we journeyed through the dark world together, searching for the light of his salvation. That journey, that long road travelled with Jesus has led me here…And where is that? Jesus has led me deep within myself. In a book I once read, the author said that when Jesus told us to follow him, that commitment meant that we may have to follow him into the very depths of our souls to clean out the mess we have made in order that he may find a place there. I am beginning to understand firsthand what he was talking about. Jesus is gutting me out, cleaning my insides out to prepare me for more of him.
Let me tell you a story…
When I was being interviewed for The World Race, I was asked how open I was to the movement of the Holy Spirit and spiritual gifts (tongues, prophesy, stuff like that). I have never been closed to the concepts and truths of those such things though I have also never been a part of them. For that reason, I am convinced that God is planning something miraculous. Some of what I am going to write may seem strange to you, or unbelievable, or just plain farfetched but to be honest I am convinced that it is not anything less than God being God, all-powerful teacher and mysterious creator.
Let me start with my dream. I had a dream one night about a week ago. I was in a dark house where my family was sleeping when I heard God speak to me. "Take your brother and run! They are after him." I knew he was talking about Anthony. I was confused when I looked out the window to see a beautiful yet cold looking woman searching for something and I knew what I had to do. I ripped my 9 year old brother out of bed and we ran out of the house right in front of the woman. She called out to us once and then turned on her heels to retrieve her cohorts. It was then that I did the only thing I could think of doing, hide. We ran into a shed, full of daylight though dim and quite possibly the worst hiding place in the world. We were completely exposed. A man walked into the doorway, searching. I had no doubts that he would see us standing 5 feet in front of his eyes. My hand was over little Tony's mouth to stifle his whimper. And God spoke again, "Don't move, don't move." I couldn't if I wanted to. The man's eyes looked directly into mine and he saw…nothing. As if nothing was there, the man turned around and continued elsewhere. God protected us and shielded us from the man's eyes. Miraculous indeed. And I was scared. Very scared, but there was no time. "Run!" God was clear and we ran out of the shed and bolted to the left, hand in hand, weaving in and out of a crowd of people all desperately trying to find my brother. None of them could see us. God had once again protected us from their sight. The dream ended shortly after that. What makes this dream different was what was happening while I was asleep. I was praying. Yes, I know I just said that I was asleep. But I was very consciously praying to God to save me from this dream because the fear that I felt about potentially losing my brother to captors was making it a nightmare. I was so scared. I was not awake but my mind was on God. I am convinced that I had a moment of prophesy. God revealed something to me. I am still trying to figure out more of what that meant but I have no doubts about it.
In my last post I talked about the book I was reading. This Present Darkness by Frank Peretti. I just finished the sequel, Piercing the Darkness. I can not go through my day without being reminded of the spiritual struggle happening in the world. On my school bus, at home, on the radio; I have seen and experienced the battle all of my life but now, now I am recognizing it for what it is. It is like a dark mask covering my eyes is slowly being lifted. God has been gifting me with discernment of the truth in a way.
This leads me to my final reason for believing that God is planning something miraculous. I have been looking at my hands a lot. In the Bible we see so many examples of Jesus and his disciples healing, casting out demons, etc. Often times physical touch is held with great power. Jesus asked in a crowd of people "Who touched me?" He said that he felt power actually leave him through the touch that he received from a sick and bleeding woman. Jesus healed a blind man by rubbing mud made out of spit all over his eyes. Touch is just so powerful…And I can't stop looking at my hands. With all of this discernment and dreaming, seeing and reading about the power of God flowing from the hands of his people and his own Son I keep getting this feeling. No, more than a feeling. More of an expectation, a message straight from God that he is going to do something miraculous through me. Something involving my hands. Something that involves a touch. Something physically impossible without the power of God. I am not of a charismatic background here but I am becoming a great big ball of excitement just thinking about how God is stirring in me.
This is why I say that God is gutting me out to prepare room. I am leaving in August for this adventure around the world and I will be so dependent on him that he needs all the space that I can spare. He is building me up for something great, something that will glorify him. I have been very prayerful about this whole process and I have been as active in following Jesus into my mess as I can. Please continue to pray for what God is doing in my life. It is a blessing straight from God to have you all supporting me. I love you all very much.
The Man With Unclean Lips
Brandon Barnum
