I walked the uneven dirt road to school just like I have every other day. Chickens scattered at the sound of our steps and stares came our way at the sight of our pale skin. Hopelessness mixed with self consciousness crept into my throat making me feel like I drank a glass of tar. Maybe I could just tell my team I’m sick? Thoughts of excuses swam in my brain, none worthy of being said aloud.
Up until this point I was merely convincing myself. I convinced myself that the ministry I was given was given by God to me for a reason. But living it out and convincing yourself are two completely different things. I would come up with a few lame reasons for what my ministry meant to me everyday just to be able to get through it. I was hiding the fact that I felt miserable. How was I supposed to help my students? What could I possibly do to “fix” everything?
“I didn’t send you here to fix them.” Gods words hit hard. All these months I’ve been struggling with the thought of never accomplishing anything. These words shed new light on my situation. Just because I wasn’t seeing the fruit of the seeds I was planting doesn’t mean there wasn’t a harvest. It also occurred to me I wasn’t seeing the situation as a whole. I realized teaching theses children have in turn taught me. I’ve learned how invaluable possessions and material things are and how valuable relationships and education are. The children in my class shared pencils and the same box of crayons and would never complain. Instead they showed each other generosity and kindness. Over the three months I grew a relationship with many of the kids. Leaving them was difficult but they told us on our last day if we don’t see them again in this life we will see them in heaven. Being reminded of this brought me much peace. I’ve been taught so much about who I am in Christ in these past three months than I ever have in my life. I may not feel like I’m accomplishing much teaching these kids but their impact in my life will never be forgotten.
Malawi has been hard but refreshing. It will forever hold a special place in my heart.
