I am convinced that it is impossible to go on a trek across the nations of the world – nations that deal with sickness and corruption and death and darkness and pain, as well as, the simple joys, celebrations and pleasures of life in more solid ways than we do here in America (or, at least, than I do) – with a heart as open and ready to serve as it can be and not be transformed.
With that said, I do not know that I expect transformation. Or anything else for that matter.
Do I have hopes? Of course. I hope to witness the lame walk or the blind see or the sick healed or all of the above. Do I have anticipations? Sure. I anticipate change, brokenness, joy, community, fighting, healing, laughing, stretching, sleepless days and nights, little to no Dr. Pepper and perhaps a “squattie pottie” or two (or 20). Do I have deep desires? Definitely. The deepest, most likely, being that I want my heart to be more in line with Father’s, be it ever so slightly, when all is said and done; transformation.
But, I do not expect those things. My expectation, I suppose, is simply that the Lord show up. And whatever happens from there, so be it. For I have learned that my “unmet expectations” are often the biggest obstacle to me moving forward in my journey with Father. When I believe, unfairly and ignorantly, that He has failed me I become detached, distant and uninterested in what He has to share with me or with others. And this would be detrimental to what His hopes and plans are for this journey. He loves to partner with us, for He is truly a loving Father. And my desire is to, as best as I can and with the grace of His Spirit, stay as open, malleable and changeable as I can for Him to mold.
