It’s Braham.
No, this is not the first time you’ve met someone with the same name. This is you; an older you.
Before I go any further, I’m sure you are in disbelief at my approach, so allow me to validate my identification. Under your bed, you have cut a hole in your mattress frame, where you occasionally place your marijuana. When your parents fall asleep, you travel to the bathroom window to smoke. You think you’re sneaky, but you’re not at all. As a kid you loved basketball, football, and WWE wrestling; and you even recorded yourself as you both announced sports games while playing alone, and attempted to wrestle with your friends. You had one hell of an imagination! In your current state, you believe you have destroyed all evidence of the events, but you haven’t. You’ll learn that soon enough. In middle school, you experienced your first account of public humiliation through ‘sexting’ a friend. Upon reading this letter, you may even blush, but don’t worry, soon you will learn to laugh at your past ignorance. You’re caught up in thinking you’re among the athletic elite, but trust me, that will end quite soon. Sorry to crush your dreams, but you’re done growing in height. If all of that wasn’t enough to drop your jaw, this will: You spend too much time fighting against the existence of God. No one else is aware of this, as it is among your thought process. To you, the Christian doctrine carries the craziest, most delusional belief system you have come across. That’s okay, I encourage you to constantly walk in a genuine state, but oh just wait for the change!
Now that I have addressed your initial concern correlated to receiving a letter from yourself, I must also address your current thought upon reading this sentence: Why am I writing me?
Well, to tell you the truth, I am not writing to change anything. You will experience trials that you never dreamt of having to step over. Soon, you will realize that your family is by no means the greatest to ever live, but trust me, that in itself makes it much greater. The struggles will bond you together in time. Just be patient. Your extended family, as you are beginning to recognize, is as much infatuated with finances, as they are with one another. This, too, will need devastation to propel change; and each will come. Things will pop-up sooner than later, that will force you to grow immensely. These instances are the most critical for your future. There is nothing I look back at and wish I would have changed. There is simply some peace, and encouragement, I want to extend.
All the girls you mess around with, and engage with now, you will soon see in a different light. Your desire with females will not be the same much longer, but your wild experiences will propel you to better understand what does not fulfill the soul. Quite important, yet very sad, is the mindset that currently resides in your being correlated to the female counterpart. Unfortunately, change won’t come when you find yourself sleeping in a girls closet for a couple hours to keep from her mother seeing you as she goes to work; the change won’t come after being caught by another’s parents; nor will it come immediately amidst your future heartbreak. But it will come. You will soon see women for what they are; you will come to have more respect for them than majority have for themselves; and you will begin to see straight through the temptation of sexual activity.
And soon after you will meet the most beautiful woman, who will teach you more about yourself than you could ever imagine learning. You’ll learn about personal independence; and find that respect for the individuality of a counterpart is as important as the connection between two. You’ll find that being yourself is more accepted than the facade you currently strive to create. She will show you that vulnerability, and laughter, propel a relationship to heights of genuineness you’re currently unaware exist. As much as anything, you’ll learn that your love must be adjusted to a counterparts ability to receive it. She’ll teach you a much needed lesson that you’re not the best thing that ever happened to the world, but that you can be one of the best things to happen to an individual; that your love is incredibly powerful. She will teach you of strength, without ever knowing it; and it will beckon you onward to that which is best for you, without allowing fear to hold weight in your decision making.
The friends you grew up with will remain by your side. No matter what happens, don’t ever turn from them! For in your darkest moments, they will be your shine. Not many people keep their friends close, but you have been fortunate enough to find genuine, unbreakable bonds. It won’t be long until you all begin to walk in fellowship together. Yes, you read that right! You’ll come to know the Lord. You’ll come to love the Lord. And you will come to have no greater desire than to share the joy you experience from your divine encounter, which will begin with your friends. Everything will change besides them; Savor it!
On the note of your conversion, the night you get baptized you will meet a lifelong friend. He will invest in you. An experience of everlasting joy, and an understanding of perfect grace, will eventually abound in an abundance because of his willingness to care for you. Do not shy away! Be real with him, for he is not there to offer feelings of imprisonment, but rather to create opportunity for empowerment. At first, you will probably view him as a weird-o, but you will see God’s hand in your relationship as you notice the similarities between the two of you. Don’t be afraid.
You will meet hundreds of people through encounters you may currently deem as ironic, but you will soon view as destined. Rather than stepping into certain circumstances, wondering if there is a purpose behind it, you will soon learn to step into every circumstance and find purpose within it.
Allow me to warn you, and please take my advice, not to attempt to step into your personal faith until you desire to do so. I am not telling you so that you will change course. The belief will come, but the most important aspect to your future faith is the genuineness you walk in, and the time you spend without it. Open your eyes. Learn your current ways of thinking, because they will become useful beyond explanation as your faith propels you onward.
Though I will inform you now, that there will be a time, after being enfolded by the grips of Grace, that you will acknowledge a need to make a stand. So, my friend, when that day comes, stand firm! A mad man is on the loose. Most will tell you to be careful, not to step across certain boundaries; and, of course, your safety may be much more secured within those boundaries. The sad thing is, those people don’t realize that’s right where the mad man wants them. So stand firm, my friend, for you must guard yourself. When he attacks, he aims for destruction. It is mighty important that we are on-guard at all times. The mad man, indeed, is mad; a genius of disguise. He does his research; he knows how to get to your mind. That is, only of course, if he succeeds in remaining incognito. Once exposed, the mad man becomes vulnerable. This is why you must stand, and stand firm at that. You must march across boundaries in awareness. We must fight with the powers we have been given: peace, hope, joy and love.
And even in your current state, keep in mind, the mad man is only as productive as his client allows him to be. His greatest madness, is your desire. His greatest asset, is your safety. His most imperative quality is your lack of awareness.
Be attentive!
All is changing, Braham. Don’t run from it. Embrace it! It doesn’t mean you will stop pleasing yourself. Even to this day it’s true that my deepest desire is, indeed, to please myself. For this is why I dabbled and lived amongst all that brought me temporary pleasure. It wasn’t until I truly experienced the euphoria from a relationship with God that I desired, with all that resides in me, to grow with and please the Lord. That does not change the humanity which is embedded in my being. My greatest desire still remains to please myself. Only I somehow, someway, came to experience that which is seen as foolishness in the eyes of this world. To walk alongside the divine for the greater good, has brought an inseparable, incomprehensible, pleasure. Peace, Love, & Joy, I have found, are much greater resources that are Money, Sex, & Drugs. Grace Changes Everything.
You’ll find the same, don’t worry.
In only a couple years, you may find yourself writing this same letter to me. Well, to you, but still to me. You get it. You’ll begin to live your life with your arms wide open, ready for anyone to leap into them. You will find yourself assisting amidst some of our times greatest struggles: including the AIDS epidemic, poverty, sex-trafficking, and racism. You will stand up in courage; you will preach among the nations; and you will use your words to publish a book. And the coolest part about it all, is you will know for certain it isn’t you. It’s all Him.
So share those ordinary gifts, take the lampshade off, and let it shine! Do not be afraid to step up because others don’t; nothing about shrinking yourself inspires the surrounding world. We were all meant to shine, so let it shine. In doing so, you will become witness to liberation through love. You are correct in thinking you are just as everyone else, normal and ordinary. This is not a harmful line of thinking, as long as it correlates back to the power of God.
As your momma preaches, and as you will soon experience, “Blessed by God, the ordinary becomes extraordinary”
Keep living. Grace is on it’s way.
Love,
Me
