5 months ago I got married. We just didn’t have a ceremony or reception. There was no cake and no champagne toast. Life on the World Race is just like marriage except I married 6 people that I didn’t even know, let alone choose. And in this marriage we live, work and play together. It’s life together, 24/7.
A major portion of the World Race is about learning to live in community. Very few people ever experience what it’s like to live in true community and let me tell you, it’s not all daises and roses. Community is hard. I don’t always want to love them. I don’t always have patience and grace for them. I don’t always want to serve them. Some days I don’t even want to see or talk to them. Sometimes I just want to scream and run away. Some days I feel like I’m suffocating. Like I’m wrapped in blanket or trapped in a box. I can’t breathe and I can’t escape. There’s no where to run.
When I’m at home and someone’s getting on my nerves I can, at the very least, go home, relax, have my quiet time, pray about it, and sleep on it before I have to see them again. That’s not the case here. It’s hard to get time away and even if you do, there are very few places to go alone in an unfamiliar city.
I reached an all-time Race low in Pattaya (Thailand) last month. I was consumed by frustration and annoyance and it showed in my attitude and actions towards others. People on my team were hurting and I just wanted to scream at them to get over it. Where is the love in that? How is that showing others the patience and grace that the Lord has towards me? It got so bad that they would walk into a room and I was instantly annoyed. I was annoyed even when I tried hard not to be.
After living like this for several weeks I finally gave in and told God I couldn’t do it anymore. My team was driving me crazy. Then he reminded me of 2 Corinthians 10:5 where it says, “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” He showed me that I was letting my negative thoughts take over and control me. I was letting myself get upset and frustrated and was continuing to let things build up in my mind until they were out of control. I learned that I needed to take these thoughts captive, give them to the Lord, and then ask for more love and patience for my team.
You see, I was trying to do it in my own power and strength. It worked for awhile, but eventually I used up my personal supply of love, patience, grace, and all those other things you need to live successfully in community. After 3 months on the Race I was running on empty. I had no more left to give. I had to realize that I’m not enough and I needed God to give me more.
Team life has been much better here in Cambodia yet I continue to struggle with it daily. It’s still not easy and it probably never will be. Everyday I will have to take my thoughts captive. Everyday I will need to ask for love, patience and grace. Everyday I will have to admit that I can’t do it on my own and give it to God. But everyday God fills me up. He gives me what I need. And then there are moments when I look at my teammates and I just know, deep in my soul, that I love them. No matter how much they drive me crazy, they are my family. They are the ones who hug me when I cry. They are the ones who cook me dinner every night. They are the ones who know by the look on my face exactly what I’m thinking about. They are the ones who tell crazy stories and jokes and make us all laugh. No matter how much I need to run away one moment, I find myself running back to them the next. Now that’s true community.
“And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.” 1 John 4:21
