June 11, 2007
The travel hiccups were finally worked out, and on Wednesday night, 13 of us hopped a plane to London. We had enough time to leave the airport and 4 of us took a double-decker tour bus around London. We took lots of pictures (I wish I could post them but it takes forever and a day just to post pictures) and then hopped on another plane to Johannesburg, South Africa. We were met at the airport and taken an hour away to a missionary property called Alabanza. The people there greeted us with much love. It was so refreshing after the intensity of traveling the last several days. They cooked for us, talked with us, and shared worship time with us. After worship, they prayed for us and sent us out with their blessings. We slept in beds with mattresses and got warm shower/baths. God gave us such a beautiful place to rest and I’m extremely grateful for it.
The next morning we went back to the airport to meet up with our other half. Then we journeyed by bus for about 6 hours until we were greeted by fifty cheering people (the January World Racers) here at the house in Swaziland. The last few days we have been fellowshipping, worshipping, and learning together.
Okay, there’s my obligatory “we’re here, we’re safe, this is what we’re doing” part of the blog. Now, how I’m really doing:
I’m numb. Remember that wall I was talking about between head and heart? (insert link). I’m not sure if it’s the same wall, but a connection has shorted out in my brain. I want to feel the passion and intensity that I felt during training camp and the few weeks after. The light of the fire burning bright in my soul has faded down to a dull flicker. I want the fire back! I want to be filled with so much that it’s leaking out my ears! Where did my passion go? We sit in session with the most passion-filled messages, and I cry but I can’t feel. I cry because I can’t feel. I don’t know what’s going on in my soul. I don’t know if this battle is between myself or the enemy. Maybe it’s even God, urging me to seek him with all my heart and soul. Seeking God is easy when you’re dripping with passion, but it’s much harder when you “don’t feel like it” or aren’t “inspired” at the moment.
In all honesty, this is where I am right now. My plan is to focus on God and truly seek him with everything that I have. Even if it’s an attack from my mind or Satan, I figure this approach is the perfect counterattack. I will keep you updated with my progress in this area.
June 13, 2007
We had a very spirit-filled and intense prayer session Tuesday night. I was so frustrated because I was trying to post this blog and after 30 minutes at the internet café, it still wouldn’t work. I get frustrated easily with the slow internet (something I’m going to have to get over) and I was already pretty down about my feelings of detachment from myself.
After dinner, we had had our nightly session. Instead of the usual teaching, the Holy Spirit fell on the room and things got intense. There was singing and true rejoicing, prophecies told, prayers given and received. It was amazing. I feel like I was released from the bondage that was holding me back. At one point, Gary Black was talking about being attacked in the night. That was me. Ever since I was little I’ve had terrible nightmares on a regular basis. The first night we were here in Swaziland I had a terrifying dream that woke me up panting. I went back to sleep and had the same dream again. The next night I didn’t sleep well because I was dreaming all night. So that night we gathered the girls in my room and prayed protection over the property and our minds while we slept.
I still had a bad dream that night and a few other girls in the room who hardly ever dream said they had weird dreams too. I was livid. I won’t put up with other people being attacked because we annoyed the devil by praying for me. So last night we gathered about 20 people around the property and anointed every cornerstone, the gate, the front door, and I think even some of the windows got anointed. People walked the perimeter proclaiming the property as holy ground and rebuking any demons that may try to enter. Afterwards, I went in the house, anointed the doorway of each bedroom and then we anointed and prayed over each bed in my room. I joked with Gina that she shouldn’t touch anything because it probably has oil it. I was so excited to go to sleep.
I woke up several times this morning and each time I hadn’t had a bad dream. I was so excited. However, during the last period this morning, I had a terrible dream attacking the character of someone on the race. I was so mad at Satan when I woke up today. I talked to Gary and we’re going to pray about it tonight. There’s something beautiful that God is doing with me through this experience and we’re going to pray about my gift of intercession. I just want Satan to know that I’m determined. I won’t give up. I will pray as often or as hard as I need to. I refuse to give up. God will use my dreams to reveal heavenly things to me and it will no longer be a tool for the devil. Next time I get to internet, I’ll be sure to update you. I have a feeling this story is going to have an amazing ending!
To end on a fun note, here are a few South Africa terms I learned:
Traffic lights = robots
Peanuts = monkey nuts (because the monkeys like them of course!)
I love you all and am praying for you!
Oh yea, and we’re going on a SAFARI today!!! Woohoo! 🙂
