It’s safe to say Africa has not been exactly what I envisioned. I did not see myself getting typhoid and malaria, roughing it for a month with no running water or electricity, or paying $2 every time I need to get wifi. What I did know is that the Lord was going to break me. I did not know when but it is only fitting it has happened here in Africa.
So here I am, in a thousand tiny peaces scattered all over the floor.
God told me before training camp back in October of last year that He was going to break me. I thought it happened month 2 in Ecuador and when God and I got through that I thought, “Hey, that wasn’t that bad.” Boy was I wrong.
This is brokenness.
There is something that happens when the doctor tells you you have malaria. There is something that happens when you step on the scale and see you’ve lost 34 pounds since January. You instantly think, “I wish I was back in America.”
In that moment you realize just how broken you are.
I checked out. I did not want to keep going. I wanted to go home. I wanted to see my family. I wanted to see my friends. In a way, I hoped people would stop donating all together so I could go home and use the excuse of, “well I tried” and go on with my life in America.
God uses the broken things to make beautiful stories.
As I sat waiting on the Lord to say anything to me one day I received an image. The image was of a broken vessel with pieces all over the floor. Needless to say it didn’t take me long to realize that was me. Then something great happened. I saw two hands start to sweep the pieces into a pile. Then those hands started picking up the pieces one by one and putting them back together.
I may still be broken but God isn’t finished with me.
He told me to trust Him. And not just say it but actually believe it. God is putting me back together and I know it will take time to make all the little pieces fit but for the first time in my life I’m trusting Him completely. When I started the Adopt a Box I didn’t know how it would go but the Lord said trust Him, so I am. I am overwhelmed with how much has already been donated. I firmly believe that my boxes will be all blacked out soon, not because of the funny pictures I post with them, but because the Lord will provide.
Just because I’m broken doesn’t mean I can’t still be used.
There are a lot of other broken people here in Africa and I know I will meet more in Europe and Asia. I can relate to them now and I will be able to tell them that the Lord can still use them in their brokenness and He cares enough to take each tiny little piece and put them back together one at a time. Broken and scattered on the floor, I still trust God and the rebuilding process that will turn me into a stronger vessel.
Broken isn’t a bad thing.
