This might be the realist, personal, and vulernable thing I post. (Bare with me)
Nowhere in the Bible does it say that living for the Lord is easy. Galatians 5:17 says, “For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition of one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.”
I am a sinner. I sin everyday. When satan sees my sin he bombardes my mind and tells me I’m worthless. Satan has been doing his best recently in my life to try and turn my attention from God and His grace and instead focus on my sins. He is tricky. He brings up struggles from my past that I haven’t even thought about in years. He tempts me constantly to do things that do not honor God. “One time won’t hurt. It’ll be okay, I promise.” But because I am a sinner I fall into that trap some days. The thing about doing it just once is that it becomes easier to do it again the next day and the pattern continues. He has flooded my mind with so much discouragement that I am at a very low place in my walk with the Lord. It’s more of a standstill compared to a walk.
I used to tell people that when I went through my depression I hit rock bottom, which is very true. I had nothing left, nowhere to go, nothing to look forward to. Looking back now I have a new perspective on “rock bottom”. We all sang the song growing up that said “the wise man built his house upon the rock…” I wasn’t wise by any means then but that “rock bottom” I hit was Christ. There is an amazing song that says, “On Christ the solid rock I stand.” I am not going to lie to you and say it’s all rainbows and butterflies in my life right now but what I can tell you is that my foundation is built on the solid rock and that is Jesus Christ my Savior. There is no other place I want to be.
As a human, I worry, I have doubt, I stress over things, but as a believer I know God is going to work things out. When I think of the deadline I have coming up in a couple of weeks and I am still $1,500 away from meeting it I stress out. Do I think the Lord will not show me how awesome He is and not fund me? Absolutely not. I know He will. When I think of all the gear i still do not have and how expensive it is do I worry about money? Sure I do. I’m human. I’ve also let the devil whisper in my ear that there is no way any of this will happen. What I do know is that the Lord will not bring me to something and leave me. If I was not suppose to go on The World Race and live my life day in and day out for a year overseas than I do not believe that Satan would be hitting me this hard. I know this what I am being called to do and I will keep praying and watching the Lord do great things through donations and prayers. Hebrews 12:1 says, “Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset [us], and let us run with patience the race that is set before us”.
My my prayer is that I yern to be so much like Jesus that when I am tempted I can tell the Devil to get behind me because I do not want to look back at what once was. I am focused on the goodness of my Father and all the many great and so much better things He has set up before me. In conclusion, though spiritual warfare, doubt, and discouragement are powerful things I know that my God is more powerful and I shall press on to fight this good fight and devote my life to Him.
