Most of my 28 years of life , I want to be married someday. This is a desire given by God!! There is nothing wrong with having a God-given desire!! Most single people want to be married someday. Most of my friends who are single are at times worried because they see all of their friends married and they are still single.
Being in Uganda this month we have met several single people at the church we have been apart of this month. They are really friendly people. They have the same desires as we do back in America is to be married someday.
I even received a funny comment about being single at 28 years old, the guy said to me, "Comon' Man you gotta get on it!" I said to him, "I am focusing on my relationship with Christ first." I have never said things like this until a few months before The World Race and through now!
Even though I am guy and don't talk like some of the ladies I know about how their wedding is going to be and so on didn't mean I didn't have visions about being married someday. I wanted to be married by the time I was 25 years old. Well so far I am almost 4 years late on the goal! I wanted to have children by the time I was 28 years old! Well I'm almost 2 years late on this goal! Now I am just fine with being late on this but if I was asked this 3 years ago I would have been mad about being single!
When I was in high school I always wanted a girlfriend! I thought this would show other guys that I was awesome, loved, and worthy of a woman spending time with me! This would show I am the big man on campus!! Well this never happened! I went to small Christian school and I was the "big brother" of the class! The girls liked me as a friend and as a brother but never considered me boyfriend material. This made me mad because I was like I'm a good guy Lord! Comon Now Really!!
This pattern continued in college but on a much higher scale. I was a youth leader for 5 years from 2003-2008 at a church in Hickory, NC and I had a desire to meet my future wife in the ministry! I was a good guy serving The Lord at church and on fire for God! I felt entitled from God that I deserved a "ministry partner" to be my future wife! Nothing wrong with the desire but I put having a woman in my life as my #1 priority instead of Christ as my first love. I made women as a idol in my life.
With women being #1 in my life instead of God I struggled with lust and pornography for a few years until The World Race where I woke up and became sick of being drowned in sexual sin! Read more about this in my blog called Two-Sided Contributor which I wrote in Thailand. I honestly believe because of my struggle with sexual sin during my time in college and all this is why I sought after getting women and wanting to have sex with them! God knew I was better than this as a child of God so because of this reason of God protecting me before serious consequences is the only reason I am still a virgin today.
I had a couple of relationships with women in the past where I denied both times to being in the relationships because I wanted a woman in my life. The truth was I wanted something to cover up the loneliness in my heart! I loved receiving affirmation from women because I felt loved by someone. The truth is I valued more of the love a woman could provide for me than God's love for me. I am the one who had the wrong first love in my life. God has allowed me to be single because I didn't have my first love right in my life.
God wants to be your First Love!! He is loving God who can keep your love meter on full while a human's love meter including my own because I'm not Christ like all the time can run empty and dry. What's left when your relationship with a woman or a man runs dry nothing!! The Good News is God will be there in the ups and downs of your life and love you unconditionally!!
On the World Race God has been teaching me about Blake being Blake or the more correct theme is Identity as a man of God! Blake is worthy! Blake is loved! I am so loved from God! A lesson God has been trying to teach me for most of my life but now I am finally have my first love is finally Christ which is the right one!!! This has helped me with women also because I want them to like Christ! They are my sisters and not for my pleasure. I want the, to be the best they can be for Christ! I don't depend on women to affirm me, I depend on Christ as my first love which will help me in a marriage relationship down the road in the Lord's timing. I'm not worried because Christ loves me no matter what and His love always will be there!!
Make sure your first love is the right one which is Christ! If not then you might what to check yourself with God before you wreck yourself!!!
