Dear ED,
You came into my life during my freshmen year of high school. Our relationship for a while was mutual: I gave you my food and you provided me happiness. We kept this going for a very long time. You then convinced me to start working out and running again. At first this new addition to our relationship seemed healthy and harmless. We ran and worked out for multiple hours a day and then came home and ate only the healthiest foods we could find. Not much of each food but enough to not make people wonder. You made the mirror my own worst enemy. Every- time I looked in the mirror, you would tell me I am fat and unworthy and that the only option was to eat less and workout more. So we did. We ran and cycled harder, faster and longer. We added in swimming and strength training into the mix as well. I fell in love with triathlon and I still am, but you made me hate the sport when I wasn’t training as much. If I took a break or cheated you would get into my head and make me compare myself to the more fit athletes, showing me I needed to work-out harder and longer. You are one reason I felt the necessity to end my life junior year.
High School came and went and you honestly made it a pretty painful experience but I knew I still needed you. We went off to college together and we were the same-old same old. You taunted me with the freshman 15 every single hour of every single day. We went to the dining halls together,to ROTC labs and PT, to the student recreation center for multiple hours of the day and you even went to class with me- making sure I didn’t consume bad options while sitting in long lectures. We were best friends. When I made you mad, you made me feel unworthy so I wouldn’t cheat again.
During my Sophomore year of college, I started counseling for grief and depression reasons, you were fine with it until my counselor and I discovered how disastrous you made my life. You would try all the time to convenience me I did not need counseling and I was perfectly fine. But I kept going to learn more and more about you and gain my life back. You have taken my joy and love for life and it was time for me to make a major decision. I was told time and time again how beautiful I was and how fit I looked and was. It was not until I was in counseling where my counselor told me how God made me exactly how he wants me and He loves me no matter what. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Satan put you in my life and you guys had me for a very long time. I am taking a stand with my Father and I am ending this relationship. I know you will still bug me from time to time but I am never ever again letting you control my life! I control you!
Sorry not Sorry,
Blaire
Before and after we met.
