I remember it like it was yesterday. I was seven, wide eyed; staring at a huge rollercoaster, today was my day. For years I watched my sisters and my dad go on rides while I waited with my mom. I longed for the adventure. I stood on my tippy toes year after year trying to make myself tall enough to go with them. I dreamed about what it’d be like to go that fast, to have the wind in my hair, to feel the drop in my stomach that they beamingly described. Today it was my turn and I wasn’t afraid of anything. The adventure was all too exciting for that.
I lead the way, my dad following close behind me. The majority of my childhood was spent like that. As we got closer to the line the butterflies in my stomach only grew, I was about to burst with anticipation! Still far too lost in the excitement to have even an ounce of fear, but slowly, then all at once things began to change.
We inched a little closer in line and I was no longer leading the way. A little bit closer again, and my dad could sense what was going on; he grabbed my hand. A little bit closer and suddenly fear hit me all at once. Up close I could hear the screams. Up close I could feel the gust of wind from the cars of people on the ride flying by. Up close the highs seems higher and the drops even steeper.
My dad didn’t let my fear stop me from going on my long awaited adventure, and he NEVER let go of my hand.
The past two months I’ve been so lost in the excitement of my next adventure. I’ve longed to go on The World Race since I was 15. My anticipation and excitement have kept me from having any fears, any doubts. I’ve been so caught up in the incredible journey ahead of me that I began to believe I was invincible, that I didn’t really consider the difficulty of leaving people behind.
In the past 48 hour I’ve seen 4 sweet high school friends cross over from death to life. The Lord has given me the most incredible gift of witnessing salvation. The gospel on fresh ears is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced. But this weekend for the first time I had to think about what it’s going to be like to leave these sweet girls of mine.
It hurts and I’m scared.
The closer I get to The World Race the higher the highs look and the lower the lows. I know the beauty of salvation. I’m addicted to the redemption and fullness of life that can only come from a life changed by the God of the universe who calls us by name. There is no greater joy than hearing someone say “Yes” to Jesus and I cannot wait to run after the lost and broken to speak life into them through Jesus Christ. But in order for me to do that, I have to leave behind the very people who I promised I would never leave. These sweet high school friends of mine have changed my life. They call me leader and it honestly baffles me every time I hear it. They have taught me more about life, love, joy, and Jesus than anyone I’ve ever known, and leaving them is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Just like my dad grabbed my hand and never let me go I know that my GOOD GOOD FATHER is grabbing me right now and not letting go. I know that this fear will not be enough to stop His great plan for my life. I know that fear, excitement, and anticipation can get a little mixed up sometimes and fog up my vision but ultimately, fear is not of the Lord. And I will not be consumed by it.
I’m thankful everyday for a dad that continually points me to my heavenly father. Thankful that he never asked me to slow down, and still doesn’t now, but he always follows close enough behind to grab my hand when I need him to.
The World Race is the most exciting and terrifying adventure. I’m busting at he seams thinking about what the Lord has in store for this up coming year but my heart is breaking at the thought of saying goodbye to my sweet Younglife girls.
Lord my palms are open. I love these friends of mine more than I ever imagined one could love someone, and you love them infinitely more. Thank you for the years I’ve spent with them. Thank you for giving me a front row seat to you shaping them into the beautiful women of God that they are today. Thank you for a dad that loves me so well. Thank you that perfect love drives out all fear and thank you that your love is PERFECT! Take my fears, take my excitement, let it be all for your glory.
