Psalms 34:18
The lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit
The last three months have been some of the hardest I have experienced. It almost feels as though there is spiritual warfare in the background of my life. God at the fore front of the battle grounds.
I don’t know how to shake these feelings of warfare. After the passing of a close friend.
I have compared Grief to waves of the ocean, sometimes the waves come crashing in all at once, and other times the waves have longer periods of time between the ripples. The hardest times in life have proven to shape and grow me into a deeper connection with my relationship and intimacy with God.
On January 14th 2016 a dear friend of mine; SGT Dillon J Semolina passed away in a training accident while stationed as a US Marine in Hawaii. Prior to this accident Dillon and I had minimal contact with one another, although I feel as though God gave me the gift of contact 4 days prior to the accident. Dillon sent me a message asking about my life, how I was (general small talk) I shared with him my thoughts and consideration with the World Race. Although I never received a response from him- It felt like confirmation that the World Race is what I should pursue next.
I am continually praying:
-praying for comfort
-praying for clarity
-praying for peace
-praying for answers
-praying for discernment
As time passes, I became angry with God, not understanding why He took such a courageous, bold, loving man so early in this life.
My prayers became pleas for Dillon’s safe return.
Day after day of praying and relying on God for answers; I was given one of the most vivid dreams I have ever had: I was looking out the windshield of a vehicle. Everything was going fine, then I felt a jolt of collision. Everything stopped. I looked to my right and my left, and all I could see was white, like a fresh powdered snow. I felt no fear, but instead tranquility and peace flooded my consciousness. I am confident this is God’s way of reminding me that he has Dillon, and that he is finally home with God. This feels like answers to prayers of where Dillon truly is.
Dillon spent quite a bit of time with my family over the 7 years that I have known him. He became part of The good ole’Gottsacker family, and helped pick out our family dog that he turned into a 45 pound lapdog. My mom sat with Dillon for hours, reading and studying the bible. Dillon was interested in these conversations which inspired him to grow in his walk with God. When something struck a chord in Dillon’s heart, little tears formed at the corner of his eyes and his lower lip quivered. As strong and manly as Dillon was, he was quite sensitive to emotions. This time spent with myself and my mother really shaped him I feel. Dillon and I had numerous conversations about his beliefs and we would discuss the word and pray for one another. These are memories that will endure forever.
While Dillon was in boot camp in Southern California we started writing to one another- one letter in particular stood out to me from his basic training in 2012. While in boot camp Dillon attended a church service and worship which he had noted brought him to tears. Although Dillon is not here physically, I feel as though I have a guardian angel. I keep begging God for dreams, or signs from Dillon, but then I hear God saying “stop listening for a voice, and start looking for a verse”
I started doing just that; looking for verses that bring comfort through God’s Word.
Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 43:2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”
Although Dillon is not here psychically, I know that his love will endure. I often have regrets, of not speaking to him more. Of not reaching out to him more. Of not expressing feelings. There are things left unsaid- which I am sure Dillon knew in his heart. On a daily basis I need to remind myself that this loss was part of a plan. Dillon impacted so many people with his personality and big heart alone.
This last weekend I was gifted time spent with Dillon’s sister Bella. It gave me so much Joy spending time with her. We laughed, cried, shared memories, ate burgers and did some extreme adventuring through water falls, and rocks.(YAY to adventure) The new friendship and bond that we have formed has been so healing and meaningful to the both of us. I am so thankful that we have both gained a new support through this tragic event. It was quite funny there were certain times that we would laugh and discuss how Dillon would handle certain situations. (PC: @bellasemi)
God does not bring devastation without bringing glory to his Kingdom.
