Journal Entry 1/9/11
The thing about me is that I’m a “hoper”, but I often hope in the wrong thing, person, or situation.
I’m a “deferred hoper”.
I pray one day my hopes will align with God’s will.
That would be pretty awesome.
I’m tired of my heart being sick…
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Here at the hostel we are beautifying up the place. It’s been such a blessing to be a part of this process.
When we first got here, the owner mentioned that he was in jeopardy of losing this place. Which meant all his staff would be losing jobs too. There were not very many people coming to stay at the hostel, and there were things that needed fixing up.
In that conversation, my team and I knew that we were sent here divinely and at the perfect time. (side/important note: since we have been here, the management says that there have been more people coming in than they have had…even though the city is super quiet until about tomorrow. We really believe God is drawing the people here, and that He will continue to bless this place)
We’ve been doing a lot of painting here. It’s both relaxing and fun. I like being creative. I like planning things, and figuring out patterns. It’s something that God helps me do, and He gets all the credit in the final product, because He supplies my brain with the creativity anyways.
I would post up more pics of our work here, but my camera got taken yesterday..(yes, I lost another camera)…So I don’t have any pics of the outside work..but hopefully I’ll get some up soon.
Yesterday while painting, my mind began to drift to memoryville. And how God usually does things in my life. This is the scenario that arose in my mind.
Years ago, me shoving things in a bag, getting ready to walk out my parents house to the trash can up the block. What was I shoving in the bag? Stuff from an ex.
I was hurt, sad, and angry, but I still hoped that things would work out (who hasn’t ever felt that way?). While shoving all the stuff in the bag, I defiantly, but secretly hoping it would happen, was telling God “If you want me to not throw this stuff away, then you are going to have to send an angel to stop me.”
It’s late night… I walk out the house lugging the big black garbage bag up the block..
“Bethsaida?”
(no it wasn’t God)
I turn around, and who do I see? A guy named Angel from my high school.
I thought in my head “YES! God you want me to keep all this stuff because I AM gonna get back together with my ex!” (what I was hoping for)
“What are you doing with that bag?”- Angel
“Going to throw it out” -Me (hoping for intervention)
“It looks heavy…Let me help you carry it”
* clunk (sound of the bag dropping into the garbage bag)
God has a sense of humor…. but more than that…He knows what is best.
We often put our hopes in things, thinking that if they turn out the way we plan, it will all be o.k… or it will be “the best”..
When I went to church this past Sunday, a lady told me, I believe divinely, that this year would be a year of God surprises in my life…
Well.. SURPRISE!
God doesn’t always work the way we think He should, or want Him too… but He’s always working…and He’s teaching me to put my hope in Him and Him alone… nothing or no one else.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12
I’m tired of my heart being sick from my hope being deferred.
God knows me, my desires and my dreams (and I have many of them) better than I know myself… So if my hope is anchored in Him, then I won’t be disappointed.
Is it easier said than done? Yes… but I’m gonna make a conscious effort, and with the Holy Spirit’s help, I’ll continue to be content, and trust in God for every aspect of my life.
I’ve not made a “resolution” this year, but I am resolving to trust God more than ever before…
and I look forward to every surprise He has in store!
(maybe even one of them will be that I get to see a real angel!)
Agenda: Love,
Bethsaida
