I went to training camp with the idea that this would be the determining factor for whether or not I would go on the race. I was filled with immense self doubt.
After arriving to training camp on a crowded school bus of unfamiliar people from other squads, I joined my squad to set up camp and realized I also hardly knew them despite befriending many of them on Facebook and seeing their World Race blogs. Names and faces were jumbled in with the vague impressions I had of the very few people I could remember from the internet. It felt like I had arrived unaccompanied to a party full of strangers and I was desperately looking for the most approachable person in the room. I wanted to flee. I was overwhelmed by the general discomfort of the unfamiliar.
I broke that first night. A light sob during worship elevated to bawling and I turned to find the most familiar face in my squad: Anthea. She was the person I had talked to the most prior to training camp. She held me and prayed over me and reassured me that I was supposed to be there. I didn’t believe it.
Flash-forward to the 2nd night and I found myself bawling again. I did not feel qualified or capable of actually committing to this next year. I doubted whether people believed in me or if I even believed in myself. By the 3rd day I was sleep deprived and emotionally spent. It had been a heavy few days. I didn’t feel like myself and all I wanted was home.
Then we danced.
A dance off within our squad began to restore my joy. I needed something a little light-hearted to put a spring in my step. The tears were replaced with smiles and laughter and even the difficult moments became more bearable. Camp was looking up from there on out.
My squad experienced some incredible spiritual moments together including intercessory prayer, prophesy, and a humble rededication to a life with Christ by our brave squad mate Dave–it was such an honor to witness. We provided for and selflessly served one another in a way that was so beautiful and rare it seemed too good to be true, but it was sincere and an honest reflection of Christ in each one of us. I trust these people with my life. I do not doubt their love for me because it comes from an unwavering source and stands on the truth that we love because Christ first loved us.
To the next year of tears and smiles, let’s embrace it all! I’m beyond grateful that we are in this together B squad 🙂
