Yesterday was my last day in Africa and after spending three months here I was ready to leave.  I am not going to lie and say that it was easy or even enjoyable, but God has been in the middle of it all and through experience I have learned more than I thought possible.  I have seen so many horrific and evil things done in the name of religion that my spirit aches at the thought of it.  I have felt righteous anger like I have never felt in my entire life.  And I have felt the way God’s heart breaks at the injustice and misuse of religion.  I have cried as I’ve seen people put Jesus’ name on something so evil and so void of any love.  To say the least, I have been completely broken these last three months.  My expectations of Africa were slaughtered and everything I knew to be true was challenged and questioned so that I could be made solid and firm in my Dad. 


To back up a little bit…
The last week that I was in Cambodia, God began speaking to me about religion and gave me a vision about the religion inside of me.  By religion I am talking about a spirit of religion that makes you feel as though you are not enough and you have to do a lot religious things to earn God’s love.  Even if you know that it is not true, I am convinced that everyone has fought that lie before.  And so, God showed me a picture of a piece of fabric with an incredibly intricate design woven into it.  Then I saw his hand come over it and so gently take out this design, thread by thread, very carefully so that the entire fabric wouldn’t unravel.  Immediately in my spirit I knew that the design he was pulling out was this religious spirit that had been so deeply woven into me, even since I was a child.  My whole life I’ve had this need to prove my worth and value to God by works and efforts so that he could love me and use me.

  Well, then God brings me to West Africa and throws me into the very heart of religion.  He surrounds me with mascarades of spinning around and falling over in the ‘holy spirit’, speaking/screaming in tongues that are really just 2 syllables repeated over and over, sermons filled with rules and condemnation rather than love, fighting the devil by screaming and shaking violently, and evangelising for people to come to your church rather than to Christ.  I can see now how all of these religious activities that I witnessed somehow gave the people a feeling of worth and value that they could offer to God and because they are so desperate for a powerful encounter with God, they will do whatever it takes to ‘earn’ it or create it.  We have taken the purpose of religion and completely wrecked it for our own ambition and pride.  I have often wondered, at what point did we as humans mess it up and get it wrong?  Because according to James and the way the church in Acts practiced ‘religion’, it looks completely different. 

 “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is  worthless.  Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this:  to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”
 -James 1:26-27

This month in Nigeria, I did meet one man that did not fall into the weight of religion that is over this land.  He ran an orphanage that we visited on our last day of ministry.  We regretted that we didn’t get to spend more time with him and the kids because they were amazing and his vision and lifestyle is so in line with ours on the World Race.  I felt as though God was giving me glimpses of hope in meeting the weak and broken, yet humble people that he wanted to use to transform this nation.

As I have been reflecting on this month and all that God has shown me and taught me, he gave me profound revelation.  He was showing me this morning that desiring the holy spirit is not bad, speaking in tongues is not bad, spiritual warfare is not bad, going to church is not bad…BUT if it is not coming out of a place of intimacy with the heart of God and listening to his voice but out of a formula for an end result, it is POINTLESS and EMPTY.  I can scream and kick at the devil all I want and repeat myself in prayer 20 times, but if I am not intimate with the heart of God, I am doing nothing but wearing myself out.  The enemy is not afraid of people puffed up with Christian pride, who know all the right words and carry titles.  The enemy is terrified of someone who knows who he is because he knows who his God is and operates out of a place of intimacy with the heart of God.  I have said so many times this month that one day I want to be that little old lady who may be quiet and gentle, but the demons hide from me because they know the authority I walk in because of my history with God and my closeness to his heart.

What I have decided after these months in Africa is that I want pure and undefiled religion.  I want the undiluted gospel.  I don’t want a show of a bunch of people who act like they have it all together on Sunday morning.  I want reality.  I want to BE THE CHURCH, a community of believers who choose unity and love no matter what and give all they have to sacrifice and fight for one another.  I definitely do not want to just go to church, sing some songs, listen to a message, maybe even pray for five minutes together and then go on with our seperate lives. 
I want to be the BRIDE.