We arrived in Bangkok from China on October 4th. After being together with the whole squad for a month in China, we were now going to have to say goodbye to everyone, and split off into our individual teams for a month. Looking back at this month, and that day we all separated, I now know that it may have been one of the most pivotal moments……. that I've ever had.
The enemy sure does his job well. He gets into our minds and plays games with our hearts. He's clever…. but he doesn't deserve that much credit. Jesus Does. The entire day in Bangkok before saying goodbye to all my friends on the squad was a terrible day. No matter what i did I couldn't stop crying. I was afraid for the month ahead. I was afraid of the unknown.
In China we were able to see our whole squad every day. We could talk, pray, and laugh together whenever we wanted. The whole "team" aspect of this journey hadn't really existed yet……at least not with my poor attitude. My team is made up of 6 people. God put us all together for a reason, which he's still revealing to me. We all have different personalities, interests, and backgrounds. We are together 24/7. In normal life we get to chose who we want to spend time with based on how well we "click" with others. Well, not on the World Race.
After a month of spending time with the people on the squad that I WANTED to spend time with, I was now facing the moment when I would have to say goodbye to them, and embrace the team that God had placed me on. I didn't have a good attitude about it…….. at all. I wasn't feeling close to God, and I wasn't feeling close to my team.
My good friend Adam on my squad hugged me tight when we were all saying goodbye. He knew I was upset and having a rough time with the reality I was about to face in a matter of minutes. As he hugged me he told me, "I'm not with you this month, but know that I'll be fighting for you." Honestly, in that low moment I didn't feel God fighting for me, and I didn't feel like letting these strangers on my team fight for me. Those words that Adam said to me was the only positive thing that I was holding onto….. Praise God for real friends who love you no matter what.
All our bags were packed into the truck and has my legs were weak and the tears were streaming down my face I took a deep breathe, looked at my team, looked at my friends one last time, and stepped into the truck that would take us away to our rural village for the next month.
As the truck pulled away I took ANOTHER deep breath, and decided to wipe the tears and force a smile. At that moment I was on the other side of the world, going to an unknown village with a team I couldn't at the time figure out WHY God put us together, and speaking of….. a God I didn't even feel connected to.
Each day this month I had to make a choice to get up and face the day. Each day this month I had to chose to pray to a God that I didn't feel. I had to chose to fight for my relationship with him, even if I didn't feel him fighting back. Each day this month I had to chose to put my pride aside, and love my teammates the way that Jesus loves them. I had to chose to love them…….. because that's what love does.
"Believing in God is as much like falling in love as it is making a decision. Love is both something that happens to you and something you decide upon"
-Donald Miller
Making the choice everyday to follow Jesus has radically transformed me this month. Honestly, I feel like a new person…. born again. The Lord turned my brokenness in the beginning of this month into a beautifully written redemption story. He took my pain and made it into victory.
Looking back, I now can see that the day I got onto the truck, feeling the lowest I have yet on this journey, that God was holding my hand and helping me step into the truck. He had his arm around me during the whole ride, and whispered into my ear, "Bethany, do not fear for I am your Father. I will not leave you. I have plans for you this month. Continue to cling to me, and I will give you rest."
Guess what? He did.
Guys, chose to wake up everyday and follow Jesus, even if you don't feel like it. Chose to wake up everyday and love the people you don't feel like loving, even if you don't feel like it. Chose to wake up everyday and believe that the Lord will bless you…….. if you let him.
I'm sitting here now, two days away from being reunited with my squad before we go to Cambodia and my heart is at peace. I giggle a little bit knowing that a month ago I doubted God and what he was going to do for me this month. I'm sitting here now with a transformed heart and a new found intimacy with the Lord I've never had before. I'm sitting here with a team of people that I never thought I could ever Love…… but now? I'd do anything for them. Are we a perfect team? no. Do we get along all the time? no. Do we fight for each other? You bet.
Praise God for relentless love……. for you……..for me…… and every single person on this earth. He won't give up on you, even if you chose to give up on him. Let him bless you, it's worth it.
