Dear future self,
I don’t want you to lose sight of the things that you have learned these past 11 months. You are a new women from the inside out. This year has been incredibly difficult, but extremely worth every minute. You struggled, laughed, hurt, cried, loved, gave, received, danced, sang, worshipped, learned, and grew.
Remember the feeling you had when you were finally walking in God’s will for your life. Never forget how you felt alive taking that leap of faith to go on this trip. You were terrified of the unknown and sacrifice that God was asking of you, but in the end it was all worth it. He is always worth it.
You have learned what God requires of you and asks of you; complete surrender. Before now you were walking down your own path with Jesus as a hobby, but now Jesus is your center. Don’t lose sight of His place in your life. Complete surrender means denying yourself daily, picking up your cross, and following Him wherever He leads you. Complete surrender, means giving up your desires for His desires. It means that your heart beat lines up with His. Instead of busying your mind with the desires of a husband, family, or friendship, your heart will be broken over the hurting, orphaned, widowed, and lost. Remember His heart is for the world and you play a part in sharing His heart with your part of the world.
Don’t let yourself ever get wrapped up in yourself again. There are too many people suffering and dying without hearing about God for you to be selfish. There are people that need to see God in you. You might have to suffer with those who are suffering in order for them to see Christ in you. God might ask for you to sacrifice a lot, but that is what it means to be His disciple.
When you finally have that hot shower you have been craving and are able to buy that white chocolate mocha from starbucks, don’t forget the faces of those you have seen this year. Living a life for Christ is supposed to be radical and is supposed to push you out of that comfortable bubble you’ve built so well. Remember those days that you struggled in the villages in India. You ended the day with blisters and were exhausted, but the orphans you were living with couldn’t help but love you and want you to love them. Remember those girls in Thailand that needed love so badly. They worked in the human trafficking industry and you were the first glimpse of God’s love that they had ever seen.
God wants to move you, mess up your plans, and drive you crazy until He gets you in His will. Don’t fight it. It’s okay to cry over crucifying your flesh. It’s okay to be scared of the unknown and uncertain if you have what it takes to follow. But remember that His “grace is sufficient for you” and that you “can do all things through Him who gives you strength”.
Don’t worry about the next step or path. God will let you know in His timing. Don’t glamorize the next season or think that the grass is greener on the other side. Enjoy each season of life that God has for you. Whether it’s a season of growth, struggle, pain, or beauty. All of the seasons are apart of His bigger plan. He will always weave them together to make a beautiful masterpiece. Be willing to be used by Him. Seek after His heart and He will show you the open doors to proclaim His goodness.
Don’t settle for mediocrity. You can live in America, live up to everyone’s expectations of you, marry, have kids, have a nice house, go to church on sundays, be a good person and end with a great retirement. Or you can live your life completely surrendered to God’s will. You will go places you never imagined and do things you never felt capable of. You will make Him famous and be able to be used by Him in amazing ways. You will know intimacy with your father and feel His heart break when you see the hurting. You will find that satisfaction that you have always frantically searched for. You will know what it means to have faith and to rely on God’s strength to get through the day. You will not settle for happy, because instead you will have His joy that doesn’t falter in the midst of trials. You will be able to see lives changed and know that God used you to make a difference. You will feel purpose, satisfaction, joy, wonder, and love like never before. Don’t settle for less than what God has for you.
Be bold. God has not given you a spirit of fear. Before this race you never shared the gospel with a single person. Remember what it felt like in Malaysia to share the gospel with the Hindu families you met. The love of your life is worth talking about. Don’t be afraid of what you will say; God has always given you the words. Be bold with your friends that need to hear about the change God has done in your life. Don’t be afraid to challenge them in their faith to pursue God. Don’t be afraid to say the hard things to those that need God the most. The words you say might hurt at first, but if you say them out of love, they will still love you and God might use those words to change their heart.
Remember what you learned from others. It is hard to love everyone, but God wants you to. Look for Christ in others and call it out, with your encouragement it’s possible that it will grow. Be honest and keep other accountable. Pray for people’s heart to change rather than calling their sin out. Let God do the changing. Learn to be unoffendable. People will hurt you, but you can still love them through it. Express yourself in a healthy way that helps others better understand your heart. Have patience, everything is not about you. Tell those closest to you how much you love them and share hurts right away so no bitterness can arise. Allow yourself to be teachable. God wants to continue to teach you how to best love those around you. He wants to fill you up so much so you can pour out His love to those around you.
Lastly, accept God’s love. You are good enough because He paid the price. You don’t have to try harder or be better to receive the Father’s love. He loved you while you were still dirty and unworthy of that love. He looks at you and sees you as His pure and spotless bride. He is not angry with you when you fail or mess up. He is your redeemer and has redeemed your past, present, and future. He is proud of you and is for you. He prays for you and roots for you to succeed. He empowers you and speaks life over you. You are His daughter. Nothing can separate you from His love. He is so madly in love with His beautiful daughter. Don’t be afraid to try and fail, because He will still love you. Don’t feel like you don’t do enough for Him, because in the end it’s not about what you do. It’s about your heart and your heart is in love with your Father.
This is not the end of your journey, but the beginning. God will continue to grow those things in you that He began on this trip. Run the race He has set before you with determination. Persevere, Hope, and Love well.
Love,
Your 2012 Self
