I
thought I never
wanted to do missions. I thought I
would never
preach. I thought I would never feel at home so far
away. I thought I was not cut
out to do
ministry. I thought I was not good enough to love others or to show them Christ.
But
all that has changed.
This
month I have learned that I was impatient.
That I try to do so much and most of the time I just need to rely on God
to do. I always try to plan and I
am learning to rely on God to point the way.
I
have learned patience with others. I have learned that I have to rely on Christ
to be my patience. In order for me
to love, accept, and serve those around me, I must rely on His patience and
grace working through me. I
become more like Christ when it is hard to love or serve someone because I have
to rely on Him.
I
also learned more about who He is.
How he has always been patient with me even when I was naïve or hard to
work with. He was patient with me when I chose the wrong things or when my
pride got in the way. He was
patient with me when I ignored him.
He was patient with me when I chose myself over loving Him. And through it all…He showed me grace.
He still loved and served me. He
still said that I was His beloved daughter. And it’s His love, grace, and patience with me that I
have learned to share with others.
I
have learned the joy of truly serving and loving others. Even though I am completely out of my
comfort zone, I still feel at home.
I have peace wherever I go.
I am learning to put others before myself. I am learning to prefer someone above myself.
I
have learned that God has prepared me for such a time as this. I see the puzzle pieces of my life aligning together.
As I step out in faith, I
see that He has been preparing me to take these steps for years.
I have desires I never thought
I would have.
I want to go and hug the orphans.
I want to sing in a different language so I can see God in another
culture. I want to play soccer
with kids just to see a smile on their face. I want to give more. I want to serve more.
Most of all I am learning to become less.
I
have learned to give up the right to be right. Give up my pride in thinking that I am better than
others.
I have learned to give up
my expectations of what will happen tomorrow and what God will choose to do
today.
