A while back I wrote the blog titled, Don’t Bother Praying. Written on the perspective of never praying to God concerning minuscule things of life or even speaking freely to Him regarding personal desires.
Since then I have come to realize that I had the fear of never attaining joy and pleasure in my life. This stemmed from the belief I had that if I left every aspect of my life up to God, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to do what I love or have the chance to live a passionate life, be free and adventure from time to time.
Without diving into the events that brought that distrust in God and lead to me taking that piece of my life’s puzzle and placing it where I wanted, I now say this;
My God cares for how my heart beats.
He created my desires uniquely and for a purpose, to which he will provide them the opportunity to flourish!
I state this confidently now not because I read it in the bible or heard it on a podcast but because God has proven it to me PERSONALLY.
During the time Don’t Bother Praying was written I realized that not being free or honest in my actions/words towards God set up a road block in my understanding of Him. In the book Scary Close written by Donald Miller he brings up the point that if a couple isn’t honest with each other intimacy can’t be reached.
I once heard actions towards intimacy described like this, Into-Me-See and by allowing the other person to See Into You, truly in you, every aspect and thought, a bond is developed.
So, the hard challenge was set before me; create a list of things that my heart desires and pray for them. Not a refined list with deep thought and discernment, making sure it’s really what I want/what’s right or good for me, but being straight up kid like and stating what my heart craved.
This was done primarily to become vulnerable with my ‘Joy’ aspect in life and allow God a chance to reveal more of His character to me. Yes I wanted the things I prayed for but more so I wanted what so many people saw in God. I wanted what so many of the villagers and locals we’ve met believed in and smiled towards as they cried out in worship; Hope, satisfaction, Peace and Happiness, their souls lived off of these, my mind however didn’t see that.
Here’s the list of prayers that have now changed my life:
* God please let my house be sold and passed on to someone who dearly needs it and would bring them closer to your Peace.
* If Texas is where I reside for a period after the race may I be blessed with the opportunity to help teach/become a clinical instructor at my local nursing school
* God my heart still screams at the sound of a violin. There is something about that instrument that makes my heart feel as if I am speaking directly to you. Could I be so blessed to have the opportunity to play it again. Provide for me a violin to play
* You know what, to heck with it, provide for me free lessons too because I want this to be something I can give you glory for.
* God provide me with a motorcycle upon my return back to the states. You have shown me so much through them now I would love to continue to ‘drive’ in your light that way
Along with many other personal ones for friends and family back home, I prayed these over and over. All month long and up until the Philippines continuously praying, continuously wanting to see a personal side of God I had yet to know.
January 1st 2016. The night after I stated I am walking out as a new man; a man seeking God first in every chance I can. We start loading our packs to set off towards the airport when I pull our host aside to ask him a question about the music ministry they do. I mentioned the day prior I noticed a cupboard full of violins and was curious how they incorporated music into their outreach.
“They were donated by a school years ago. Small musical groups now come oh maybe once every 18 months or so to do lessons and fix them up. You interested in one?”
“Wait wha!….” I did a double take at his face to make sure he was serious and I hadn’t just imagined hearing those words.
“You saw them right? They are pretty beat up and if you can find one you can use it’s yours.”
Then he walked off… No biggy right, I mean the man just GAVE me a Violin, the VERY Violin God has now used to plant a new seed of perspective in my life and there he goes walking away as if was a gift meant to be given for the longest time.
Still in shock yet utter excitement I run to my old teammate Anna who knows violins more than me and became a kid again while telling her the story and piecing together multiple violins to create the One which would be called mine.
It may be just a violin to anyone who sees it, but to me and my squamates who have become a part of my story, it’s a testimony to God’s Grace and Character. By praying and receiving these gifts I now see how when relying on God to complete aspects of my life not only does He fill them in perfect time/ways but the testimony of His actions speak louder than anything.
So Lord I pray: May all that continues to come to be in my life be gifted from you so that, like the Violin, your testimony of Love and Grace may be further spoken and lived out.
P.S.~ Just returned from English class at one of our locations in Vietnam and guess what?? Her son plays violin professionally and offered to give me a couple lessons while here….tehe 🙂
