This month has flown by. Its really hard to even try and process with so many changes coming up. This month once again has been so different from the others. We’ve been working at a Christian summer camp for teens and getting it ready for when all the kids come in June. This is the first month we have had hot water and a bed to sleep in instead of a tent. I knew coming in to this month was going to be hard to keep the same dependency on God when because of having so many of the “normal” comforts that I do in the States.
There’s something that happens in us when we don’t have everything that we could want. It takes our eyes off of ourselves and puts them on the one we need to provide. When I do have those comforts I have to choose to be weak. I have to choose to fast, to wake up early and pray. I want that dependency that brings me to say in every moment “Lord, if I don’t have you I’ll die.” Of course I’m not speaking of physical death or even a spiritual death because I know that I will be with my Beloved forever in eternity. It’s a death to the thing inside me that loves Him, that comes alive at His voice. Its when I begin to drink from broken cisterns (Jer. 2:13) instead of letting the fountain of life fill me to overflowing. I don’t want to try and love out of my own strength.
There is a book about a monk named Brother Lawrence. It’s called The Practice of the Presence of God. He would be in constant communion with the Lord during the day not finding a difference between prayer time and time just cooking for the monastery. It was said that people would come just to watch him cook because it was as though everything he did was as if he was doing it for a king. When he would fail he would just say to God
“Lord, I will do nothing else if you leave me to myself. It must be you who hinder my failures and mend what is amiss.”
That has helped me a lot in the past couple years. I often think so highly of myself that I forget that without God I am nothing. My very nature is to run from him. It is His work inside of me that causes me to love Him more. I don’t want to look away when He shows me his face. I want to look right into His eyes. Those eyes that loved me before I knew Him. Those eyes that burn with passion for His son, His Beloved One.
This month has been a journey of seeing how much in me still wants to try and do it on its own. May He remove everything in me that hinders love and give me feet to go to the High Places with Him. (Psalm 18:33)
It’s the Great Adventure! The Greatest Romance of all the Ages!
