During most conversations with close friends, the first few minutes are filled with jokes and laughter. Trying to get a good laugh out of the other one. Then the word comes up. “Tell me more about Africa.” I have very few conversations where this beautiful continent is not brought up. Most of the people I love know my heart for the people, know that I consider myself one of them. I like life better there. So I came on here today to explain something, why I am choosing to leave for 11 months on the World Race.
When I met the Lord three years ago, He birthed in me a dream that I believe will change the continent of Africa forever. Since that night, I was blessed to spend months at a time on that beautiful red clay, chasing kids and eating rice. Each night as I lay down for bed, I wonder if little Esther is surviving orphanhood in Eastern Kenya. I see her precious little smile. I wonder if someone is there to love on her, to pray and sing over her, to tell her how much Jesus loves her. I want to be that person, with everything I am. But that is not why I am leaving…
I lay down and think of the countless number of stories of kids running from rebels in Northern Uganda, just hoping they can run faster than the truck chasing them. They can’t see their mother raped again. They already had to kill their father with a machete. And I wonder, who is standing between them and the evil forces of this world? Is someone there who will take a stand and fight for justice? For love? I want to be that person, with everything I am. But that is not why I am leaving…
I even think about my future teammates, and the passion Father has given me to walk with people through their stories and insecurities. I lay down and spend myself in prayer for them. Begging the Father for ways to love them well. That I can help them lay down their baggage, as He did with mine. That I can show the women how much the Father calls them beautiful, loved, pure, and how much they are deserving of love. That they aren’t the mistakes they have made, or what has been done to them. That I can show the men that manhood can come in so many beautiful forms, and how to lead and serve with love being who we are. I want to be that person, with everything I am. But that is not why I am leaving, as good as the last few reasons have been.
I am leaving for one reason, to chase my Father’s heart. Everything is lost if I don’t KNOW Him. All social justice is useless. I want to see more of who He is, after seeing so much in my 8 months overseas already. I want to know more of who I am, to let Him deal with the baggage I still choose to carry so often. I want to know the Father. He brought me out of addictions and events that even most don’t know of, and for that I will lay my life down in return. I will spend myself on knowing Him. On chasing Him. I want to build a deep friendship with the Savior and Rescuer of my tired soul. To see Him for all that He is. I want Him to be more important than the very next breath I draw in these lungs even He created for me. I don’t want to be able to even get out of bed without His power and love calling me out.
And one thing I know, just one look upon His face is all we need. His glory will change us, wreck us. Draw us deeper into true Love and Grace. We are forced to drop our baggage and run to His arms of Grace. In doing so, I believe the first few reasons will be a natural overflow of my heart. A natural reaction to the love I know He has for me.
That is why I am leaving. Simple. To chase after the Father’s heart with all I have, knowing one thing, that those who seek will find.
