Just a few weeks ago, I told some of my friends that I wasn't quite sure what would happen when I'd been in Dallas over a month. I didn't think it would hit me on day 31 or anything like that, but I knew one day it would happen.
That urge to move on would stir within me.
The need to pack up all my belongings and move somewhere else would hit.
The lies would start flooding my head that whatever I'm doing isn't as important as what I did last year.
The regularity and pattern of life would start to make me squirm a bit.
My soul would become restless…
Restless for what was, instead of what is.
Restless and seeking something else, because after a month on The Race, there was always something else, something more, something new, a fresh start, a new day, a new bed (if there was one), and a new set of people to love.
So what would happen when that didn't happen anymore?
Well, let me tell you.
Today happened.
Day 43 in Dallas, TX.
Do you know the last time I've been anywhere for 43 days?
No? Me either.
All I know is it was sometime in 2011 and it's 2013…. so that's a gosh darn long time ago.
And I didn't freak out all that much. I am a little tired. Work seemed extra challenging today, regardless that there wasn't ACTUALLY anything challenging about my day. Well, except me wanting to run out of my office as fast as I could, change out of these weird [business] clothes that still make me uncomfortable, and be anywhere but here.
Because I feel like I've been here too long. It feels wrong, like I'm breaking a law of nature and the universe is going to collapse if I don't move somewhere else, because moving is normal.
This is not, at least not anymore.
So what do you do when change becomes normal and that lack of it becomes uncomfortable?
Heck, I don't know.
Or may I do.
Okay, well… first I can tell you what I want to do. Go pack my bag, buy a flight for the first 3rd world country I can find on the departures list, and then go find some Racers and do ministry and sleep on the floor, because that seems more normal than anything else in my life right now.
Normal.
Not normal.
But that's not the answer. Running to the familiar is never the answer…or at least it isn't this time.
Think about the Israelites after they had been delivered from Egypt. They were SLAVES there and then God SAVED them, but then a little while later they are freaking out, thinking that Moses was going to lead them into the desert to die. So they asked Moses to GO BACK. They wanted to go back to being SLAVES. Because it was comfortable, it was familiar, and it was safe.
So what am I doing to do?
I'm going to let myself be uncomfortable, because when I'm uncomfortable, just like I was at The beginning of The Race and the months leading up to it, I'm actually listening to God. I'm running into His arms everyday, because it's the best place to be when things don't seem or maybe just don't feel right.
The unfamiliar causes us to trust. It causes us to listen. It causes us to question. And it causes us to seek Daddy [God] with all our hearts. At least it can, if we let it.
So instead of running to the familiar [aka World Race like living], I'm going to curl up in my Daddy's [God's] arms and let him love me. Let him settle the restlessness in my heart, because deep down in my soul I know without a doubt that He's the only one who can make me feel whole and in place. He's the only one who can say,
"It is well."
And it be so.
So here's to learning how to be in one place for more than 30 days, how to live my life in this new season, and to knowing in the deepest part of my soul, that no matter where I am on this earth or who I'm with or what I'm doing, all that matters is that I walk with the Lord, because he'll never steer me wrong and he'll never leave me.
