When I was a little girl, I had a list of things I wanted to be when I grew up. The list wasn't that long though. It shifted between things like an astronaut, a zoo keeper, or some other imaginative aspiration, right back to my favorite and fervent answer, a ballerina. Oh how I wanted to dance in New York City…
But somewhere along the way, God started to change my heart.
Then, one night at a Christ in Youth Summer Conference I found myself walking down the aisle, accepting the call to ministry. I still remember Mark Moore's words that night as he spoke to all of us who has come forward. He said, almost yelled, "You have no idea what you are getting yourself into!" As I stared up at him with tears in my eyes, I had no idea what he was talking about, I even thought he was a little crazy. I was 16 years old, and he was right. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
Two years later I went on my first mission trip to the beautiful country of Brazil. On one of the last nights of that trip, our team and some of the church members gathered together for a prayer service. It was held on a hill that overlooked the entire city of Araguaina, and as we prayed, I looked out over the city and saw lights for as far as I could see. In that moment all I could think about was how many people those lights represented and how many people in that city needed to know the love of God. I began to weep as I thought about the people of that city, but then the people of the entire world that needed to know the love of our Father. In that moment, God broke my heart for the world. I was 18, and I knew there was no turning back.
That fall, I enrolled at Dallas Christian College with a major in Intercultural Studies. Over the next four years God continued to mold me into the woman He desired me to be. I learned, studied, and trained in the classroom, but God also placed in ministries where I could grow, learn, and be an influence as I worked at The Branch as the Associate Student Minister and at DCC as a leader in different organizations and in the girl's dorm (I lived there all four years and I loved it!).
In the summer of 2010, God opened the door for me to go back to the mission field and I found myself in the mountains of Guatemala as a missionary intern under the guidance of DCC alum, Lori Nij. That summer I fell in love with the people of Guatemala, and when I came home a part of my heart stayed there. As expected, it was a life changing summer, but the reality of the mission field hit me hard. I returned to the States unsure if I could really be a missionary. Was I really meant to GO or was I merely meant to stay here and support those who do?
That is just one of the many questions I started to ask myself as I started my Senior year of college along with, "God, where do you want me next? What happens after I graduate from college? This was as far as we planned together, what now?
The year went on and by the grace of God, I made it to graduation with HONORS and it was THE BEST DAY EVER! As I sat there with my dipolma in hand, vaguely listening to our speaker, God's overwhelming peace rested on me, as I knew that this was exactly where I was suppose to be. God had me where He wanted me.
But I still didn't know what was next. I kept praying, and kept getting the same answer I'd gotten for the past 8 months, everytime I asked, "Just wait."
I earnestly desired to go where God wanted me, so I waited and enjoyed my last few months at The Branch with my students. I knew that God had placed in me the desire to attend graduate school, just not yet. So my plan was to get a full-time job, get settled wherever that job was, and start school again in a semester or two (then go to the mission field…). As I started applying for jobs, I asked God to close any doors that weren't right.
By the end of the summer, I was still searching for a job and I started to feel restless. Why wasn't anything working and why was the only answer I kept getting, just wait? After ten months of the same answer and watching every door close, I knew something was wrong. I started reevaluating "the plan" and realized that it wasn't what I wanted, and it didn't look like it was what God has in mind either.
After a few almost sleepless nights and many conversations with God, I knew where He wanted me, reluctant as I might be, He wanted me on The World Race. And just like that, my answer changed from just wait to, "Just GO."
I am 22, and I'm just getting started.
Never in all my days growing up did I run to my mother with a big grin and say, "Mom, I want to be a missionary!"
But all along my Father (in heaven) had a different and perfect plan for my life, than I ever imagined as a blonde hair, blue-eyed little girl. And I'm so glad that He did… even though I still think I'd make a great ballerina.
