this is it…

I
was never homesick on the race at all, probably not even a day. This week,
however, it hit me and it didn’t make sense why I felt the way I did. I love
the people here, I love this place, but with it I realized I had unspoken expectations.
I wasn’t homesick for a place, but homesick for people. I came in here with expectations
of what community was and looked like based off of the amazing community I had
on the world race. I miss that, a lot.

I
learned that this is not my world race family. It’s not the same people. I cannot
change them and make them more like Jan ’08.  Not just that, but I have to choose in to
this, and accept it for what it is and what it’s not. Yet at the same time I
have a responsibility here, to not passively sit back and settle in acceptance
of what it’s not, but to be proactive, and choose in to all it has to offer. So
community here looked different than what I had known, and desired. This week I
claimed my responsibility for going deeper in community—intentionally spending
individual time with each person..it was good, yet at the end of the day,
something still lacked.

After
spending time with the Lord, processing and growing in all this I have a new
vision of community. Inspired by the JFK quote(cheesy, I know, but it works) “Ask not what your country can do for you,
but what you can do for your country.”  I wouldn’t say I was looking for what others
could give me, just simply seeking something deeper here… I contemplated that
quote a lot and how it applied to my life. Through it I learned, it’s not about
what this place has to offer me, but rather me fully giving of myself. At the end of every day I want to look back
knowing that I have fully given myself to these people, to this place and to
God. And that’s all I can do. I cannot change anyone, I cannot make anyone
choose in, but I can fully give of
myself for the sake of others. That’s what it’s all about anyways right?!

So
what does that look like? I am seeking the answer. Currently, there is a
question pending with each person I live with…asking “What specifically can I do to serve, challenge, help you thrive and excel
in this community?” They’re all thinking on it, and whatever that looks
like I will commit to do. Even if it’s something like jump in the freezing pool
everyday in my clothes because it’ll make someone laugh, or doing someone’s
laundry because they hate doing it-I don’t care, I’ll do whatever it takes with
a joyful heart. My desire is to see these 6 people step into destiny, to become
great, to challenge them and be challenged by them.

It’s
a huge lesson for me to be learning, I’m pretty excited about it. Yet I’m aware
that as answers are given to this question I will be challenged a lot.

Bottom
line: nothing easy is worth fighting
for. I don’t want this community to be a walk in the park. Community is
supposed to be messy, it’s not supposed to be easy. It’s meant to challenge,
stretch, serve and bring us closer to God and to each other.  We were
created to love one another. And out of that we are called to fully and freely
give ourselves to each other.

halloween with the spain crew. we were a rock band–aka leather bandits. 🙂

 

i love you all!!!!