This past Saturday I went to an camping, outdoorsy store to look into what I will need for the race. I didn't go in with the intention of buying anything, I just wanted to see what was available and what the people at the store would suggest. An hour later, I walk out feeling overwhelmed. Part of this feeling was due to me being exhausted and having just finished a really busy week. The other part of me was thinking, "Oh my goodness, all of that was EXPENSIVE." There are so many options of backpacks, tents, sleeping bags, sleeping mats, covers for all of these items, and so much more that I didn't know what to think. If I could, I would probably try to pull a Lewis and Clark type deal. I'm actually not sure if they had a lot of stuff with them, but I have a sense that they were more bare bones than what the camping experts I was talking to would suggest.
After my expedition to the store I went to a McAlisters for some sweet tea and to think. I wanted to work through how I was feeling. Part of me knows that having a lot of this stuff is necessary. In order to help others I have to help myself so I don't end up being a burden on them. Another part of me was feeling disappointed and a little guilty. How could I ever spend so much money on stuff for this trip when the whole point of the trip is to help others? Buying a pile of expensive gear seemed so counterintuitive to the whole journey I'm about to embark on.
The biggest thing that I learned from this experience was how comfortable we like to be. With every item we talked about, the sales person helping me would always mention my comfort. "This pack will be the most comfortable for your height." "This sleeping pad is thicker so it will be more comfortable on the ground." "You will want to buy the lightest tent possible so you aren't carrying around as much weight and you are more comfortable." Our main focus was my comfort.
While I appreciate the blessings I have in life, including the opportunity to go on this trip and have the option to go to a store where there are people who can assist me and equip me with all I need for my journey, I think we have become too centered on our own comfort. Because we live in America, the majority of us do not want for much. We are spoiled compared to the majority of the world because we don't have to ask ourselves if we will get to eat today. We have the option to ask what, where, and how much. How much of my life have I been uncomfortable? Why do I look for certain things to make me comfortable? What would happen if I wasn't 100% comfortable?
Thinking so much about my physical comfort also made me think about my emotional and spiritual comfort on this trip. I don't think I will spend a lot of my time being comfortable on the Race. The problem with that last sentence is our society has often made comfortable positive and uncomfortable negative. However, the greatest blessing of this trip is that my teammates and myself will be uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is where growth comes from. Uncomfortable creates the opportunity to use the courage God put in each of hearts. Uncomfortable will actually create comfort. Nothing is more uncomfortable than being vulnerable, but by being vulnerable you gain comfort from those you shared with. For example, I have always been terrified of asking people for help. I would much rather do everything myself. I am really uncomfortable asking for things or favors. With the Race, I have to be uncomfortable. I have to ask for help. I cannot do it on my own- financially, emotionally, physically, or spiritually. One of the biggest blessings by being uncomfortable in this way is the comfort that comes from asking for help. So many people have encouraged me more than I can say since I have started preparing for the race. E-mails, donations, kind words, hugs, encouragement, advice, and love have surrounded me during this time. Going into a place of discomfort has brought more comfort to me than I think staying safe would have.
I will keep looking for the things I need for this trip. But I'm going to keep in mind that I don't need to worry about getting everything I think I need. Any discomfort I feel on this trip will help me grow in my faith and as a person.
