Before coming I the Race I was seeking the Lord and contending for Him to move mightily in these 11 months. He told me He would (and already has). But I had another prayer too. That no matter what happens He would keep me humble. I kept asking that no matter what happens whether He’s moving more than I could have imagined or i can’t feel His presence at all that He would keep me humble. And let me tell ya, He has In more ways than one. I don’t think I was ever overly prideful. Not that I didn’t have pride (we all do) but I knew that in order for the Lord to completely have His way with me that He needed to change my posture to a more vulnerable and receptive one.
So in week 3 of the World Race in a little mountain town of Lajas de Yaroa the Lord humble me.
The squad leaders pulled me aside to chat one day. They asked me how I was doing overall and as a team leader. I tried to act like I had it figured out (there’s that pride). But fortunately they saw through that. Truth is I was struggling. Not so much with my team though. We were actually doing alright at this point. We were getting to know each other better and develop that foundation to build on. We were being real and vulnerable with each other. It was great. So I thought.
But it was weighing on me. The deeper I got to know the girls on my team, the more responsible I felt as their leader to foster a safe environment for them to share and grow in. Each person came on the Race with their own story and are all here pursing different things. I love my girls and want them to be successful in pursuing all the Jesus has for them in these 11 months. But I started neglecting my own journey with the Lord with being so engrossed in theirs. It was a hard pill to swallow realizing it wasn’t my responsibility to see to it that my team pursues the Lord.
As I sat there and told my squad leaders this, they were very gracious and gave me the rest of the day off from ministry. I spent the rest of that afternoon resting and listening. The Lord was like ‘why are you here?’ And I said ‘obviously to pursue you Jesus’. And that’s when he helped me realize that team leading was getting in between me and Him and anything that gets in the way of that has to go.
So that evening I told the squad leaders my decision to step down from my role and thanked them for allowing me to lead for the short time I did. The next evening we had a squad meeting with everyone and they made an announcement about it. Lots and lots of humility. Sitting there in front of my world race community and telling them only 3 weeks in that I’m not in a position to lead right now. But they were all so loving and gracious!
It’s awesome to think about how much the Father loves us. He wants to do radical things in and through me this year and loves me enough to bring me to my knees even when it hurts to be able to use me for His plan.
