Last Sunday I went to Mosaic in downtown LA and heard Kim McManaus speak. She is this bubbly, firecracker of a woman and some of her words have stayed with me all week. She spoke on the passage in Mark 9 where Jesus heals the demon possessed boy.
In case it's not ringing a bell, here's a quick refresher course: A man comes to Jesus and ask's him to heal his son who is possessed with an evil spirit. First he asked the disciples, who were unable to heal him. So then he goes to Jesus.
The boy's father says to Jesus, "Have mercy on us and help us, if you can.”
23 “What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.”
24 The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”
(read the full story here.)
There are so many things that could be talked about in this passage, but the one that stuck out most to me was what the boy's father says last, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” This is such an honest admission. It's refreshing actually. After Kim read this verse I think I literally said out loud 'story of my life'. I mean, am I right??? I believe, but then I don't.
This verse has been on my mind and in my prayers many times this past week. The support raising/moving process has put so many things into perspective for me. I see myself believing and trusting that God will lead me around the entire world, but then not trusting him to provide the means to get me there. God, don't you know that I need to find a roommate??? Don't you know that I have to meet my first fundraising deadline soon??? Of course he knows. And he's asking me to let him help me overcome my unbelief.
It's hard to trust someone that much. To abandon my unbelief and choose only to believe. It's scary because trusting fully means not having a back up plan. I like back up plans. They're comforting, secure and they give me options. But maybe sometimes we need to abandon them and believe 100% in something. Go hard or go home, you know? Going all in doesn't mean it will be easy. In fact, you might end up more confused than you were before. But I think that in the times we are worried – when we doubt and let fear creep in and wonder if we're doing the right thing – those are the times we need to be honest with God, like the boy's father.
There's something so pure and beautiful about this kind of honesty: "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!"
