Something I’ve come to realize is, I can’t do this, not on my own anyways. Since getting accepted to the race I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions. I was so happy that I cried like a baby, then I got overwhelmed with thinking about everything I had to do, then peaceful when I focused on one thing at a time.
I’ve been allowing my emotions speak to me. I put my voice over God’s voice. It’s a subtle yet very steep slope to go down. You start to slip slowly, then all at once you can find yourself somewhere you never imagined you would be.
While I was screaming my problems to myself the Holy Spirit was there, always.
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds…” -James 1:2
My problem was that I was seeking happiness, not joy. The word joy has all but disappeared from our Christian vocabulary. One reason is because we have confused joy with happiness, and have come to believe it is found in pleasure, security, and prosperity. Joy is not the same as happiness, although they may overlap. Happiness depends on circumstances, joy depends on God. Happiness vanishes when life turns painful; joy keeps going and may even grow. Joy comes from a life submission to the Holy Spirit, regardless of circumstances.
Okay, well that’s easier said than done. It’s hard to choose joy when things aren’t going your way. So why do I choose the voices of the world instead of the promises of God? Because I don’t fully trust Him. Did I just say that? Yes, I did. And is true. If I fully trusted God all the time, I would never have anxiety or fear or depression or anger, because I trust in what God has promised me.
“I can do NOTHING on my own” -John 5:30
When I read this verse the other day it cut through every distraction, every fear, and every lie I’ve allowed to settle into my heart. Why would a statement so simple cut me to the core? Because these are words spoken by Jesus Christ of Nazareth. If Jesus, who was fully God and fully human, couldn’t do anything on His own, why would I ever be so arrogant as to think I could?
I can’t fill a God shaped hole in my heart with my own good works. I have to fully submit myself to the will of the Father. Trust in Him and know that He is good.
We are frequently told the lie, God never gives you something you can’t handle. If we could handle every hand we are dealt, we then have no need for God. We experience things every day that we can’t handle on our own. It forces us to be dependant on God. I can’t even wake up in the morning by myself nonetheless prepare for the world race alone. I not only have an incredible squad whom I love so much but I have direct communication with the Creator of the universe, the one whom I call Abba Father.
“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who had no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. ” -Isaiah 40:28-31
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I love you all! Thank you for your continued support and prayers!
