Dear God,
I am sorry for my attitude with You lately. I have complained, whined and yelled at You about my fundraising attempts. I gripped onto the fundraising wheel with tight, white knuckles, determined to prove my worth and ability as I frequently do with everything. When plans continued to not rise to my expectations, I focused my frustration on You:
Why isn't anything working? God, I've tried everything! Letters, emails, contacts, painting for funds and speaking to big groups about this trip. FAIL FAIL FAIL. Nothing I have done has seemed to work! In fact, most of my funds so far have come in randomly from other sources. What the heck?! You called me to go and I'm trying! Why won't it come in!?
And then, sitting at work the day of my next attempt, a fundraising night at a local restaurant, IT HIT ME. You smacked me right in the face with what I have been doing. I had been so worried about this night and what I could do do raise more money that I hadn't even prayed about it's success. I hadn't even talked to You about it! How silly is that? I had been so busy flittering from one idea to the next that I had not sat back long enough to appreciate what You have already done and the blessings You have poured into this experience. You reminded me that this is all for Your kingdom, Your glory. Not mine. You have provided the funds to go and a wonderful family to help with support and supplies. So thank You! I so often forget to do that.
So…this is my way of saying I'm done. I'm done trying to do it all myself. I'm done being so focused on My plan and expectations that I don't sit still long enough to listen for Yours. I'm not missing out on any more blessings because I am worrying about something else instead. And I promise Lord, that I am going to do my very best to take my hands off the wheel and trust in You and Your provision. Trust in Your almighty control over ever situation.
I'm so sorry. Thank you for loving me so ferociously, even in my doubt.
Your loving daughter,
Bailie
