I’ve been asked a few times since I began this journey on the World Race about why I desire to be a missionary. I could think of 1,000 reasons, but I personally wanted to write a blog about this moment that God laid on my heart this past Sunday so I could keep a record and remember.
One of my favorite parts of the service is the invitation where people can walk up to the pastor and share their desire for Christ. I just love watching people commit their lives to Christ! I feel like running up there, giving them a great big hug, and saying “welcome to the team”!
This past Sunday, a beautiful girl, probably around 17, walked up to the front of the church in the invitation time with her mother and sister, I assume, right by her side. The smile on her face was as radiant as the summer sun, and then it hit me. She looks just like an older version of Shelley, a gorgeous girl with the most contagious smile you will ever see! I had the amazing opportunity to grow a friendship with Shelley during her freshman year of high school when I was a Junior. I didn’t know many freshmen because of the age difference, but there was just something so much different about Shelley. Running into her in the hallways could turn any bad day upside down. Just thinking of her makes my heart happy!
In the summer before my senior year, I received the news that she passed away in a car accident. I remember thinking that it can’t be true, it must be a mistake, but it wasn’t. How could such a young sweet soul be taken so fast… I didn’t get to say goodbye, or tell her how her positive spirit inspired me to always look at the bright side. As my mom comforted me, she kept telling me that Shelley is in Heaven now, and then the guilt rushed over me. How do I know for sure that she is dancing up there with Jesus?! It hurt me to know that over the past year and a half that we had known each other, I did not make any effort to make sure someone dear to me knew God like I did.
Going to Shelley’s funeral was probably the hardest thing I have done in my life so far. The dark feeling inside of losing a friend is not even possible to put into words. However, at the beginning of the service, the Pastor announced that Shelley had been saved 2 months prior to the accident. The Joy I felt knowing that she is in eternal bliss was over the top!
This past Sunday, which is one and a half years after the accident, I was reminded of this moment as I sit in church rejoicing inside for this woman who resembles Shelley that just committed her life to Christ. An image came into my head of Shelley embraced in Jesus’s arms. I have never “heard” God speak to me before, but I have had images and sentences come to mind that I strongly believe are from God because I couldn’t come up with them on my own. I kept hearing, “Do not worry, I have her and she is safe! She is happy and full of life!” God was filling my worry and hurt that I had felt for so long with peace, joy, and a new understanding of the guilt I had felt that day.
I believe He is sending me into missions for a purpose, and that purpose is to bring the Gospel to those who do not know Him. The pain that I and so many others felt through loosing Shelley can be used to grow God’s kingdom. Oh, how I wish I could take her with me around the world! I believe that she will be with me in spirit and I am so thankful for the time I was blessed with to spend with her. I wish she could know how much her life has impacted mine, even though I only knew her for a short time. The pull on my heart to be a missionary to those who are unreached is so strong because of this experience.
I just wanted to say a quick thank you to Shelley’s family. Thank you for raising such a wonderful woman that I will never forget about. She continues to teach me lessons about myself and the world around me. Although you may not know me well, please know that she has impacted my life like I never thought one person could. I will take the memories of her, the joy she spread, and her radiant smile with me around the world to share for Christ’s Glory.
She is one of my reasons “why”.
