I am sure we can all recall a time when we felt stuck in a rut. Just sort trapped in a single stationary situation or spiritual mind set. That’s where I’ve felt for the past two weeks or so.
We are finally in Puerto Viejo and its not the typical paradise that one might expect. Don’t get me wrong, the beaches are so magnificently beautiful, it makes you wonder how some can think all of this to be an accident. When I see the world down here I can’t help but smile from time to time as I’m reminded of the incredible imagination, creativity, and splendor that our Father created this all in. Yet even with all of this I must be honest that it hasn’t been all sunsets and margaritas…ok there hasn’t been any margaritas but I don’t doubt they’d be wonderful down here. Our team has been going through a bit of a rough patch to put it lightly. See, we are all powerful men of God, anointed by the Holy Spirit to be catalyst and strong forces for His kingdom. So through this it only makes sense the amount of distress that Satan wants to throw us through. We have struggled with discouragement in the work done here (which at times feels less than other teams of our overall squad), staying strong in the Holy Spirit, and just moving away individually from our own spiritual downfalls. And its tough. Its hard with no leaders or adults telling you to be in your Bible or talk things out. We truly are on our own, some of us for the first time.
Personally I can’t tell you how many times I have felt just beaten down, stuck in a stationary spiritual relationship with Christ that doesn’t feel to be moving anywhere. But I heard a wonderful quote once that said, “the darkest of the night is just before the dawn”. Things are always going to seem their worst before there is that change. It’s difficult to explain as well how that change takes place but its truly like a full transition of body, mind, and heart. You can’t describe how that feels but for me it was just an understanding that came out of nowhere. The knowledge that I had all of the spiritual and theological answers but for so long have chosen to live in my own path. Guys I’m so incredibly lucky to be here today. That my heavenly father didn’t let me stray to far before correcting my path. And its kind of crazy because his guidance back was always what I saw as my darkest moments. The times I felt farthest from Him and everyone else were the times that He was guiding me away from my own downfall. Sure I got in trouble, and let people down, but He truly saved me for something better. My God brought me here because he knew I would have a moment of breaking down in the middle of the jungle. As monkeys screeched and hundreds of unknown bugs swarmed the single light above me, He knew it was in that moment that I would come to speak out loud into His presence. To ask for forgiveness in my worldly decisions, to ask myself the tough question of how I could ever live such a selfish life. As I asked Him in the jungle to walk me through the rest of my life on his path I opened my Bible randomly to Luke 11:5-13. In it He clearly spoke to me saying “how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”. Are you kidding me? You can’t tell me that my God doesn’t work in some crazy cool ways as He spoke to me in that moment. He is a good good father and I am a child of God. Just because we may be having a dark moment doesn’t mean that the light of Him wont come bursting forth, even as you feel lost. I’m incredibly thankful of how my team has pursued God in this jungle, and love my brothers dearly. We are all the children of God and in that I want to pursue him with childlike love. I love you all back home and thank you for being apart of my story. Miss you guys.
Shalom,
Bailey Huffman
