The Way I Are

   
So how is it being back home? That is the number one question that I receive on a daily basis. It just kind of depends on the day how I will answer it. I don’t think I really knew how I felt, for real, until today. Several things have attributed to the conclusion.
    First, I was at my local CVS making some cards, and this lady asked to see the final result.  Well to give you a visual, its a “year of merry memoriesâ€� that has a lot of pictures from this past year on it.  I told her what I did and her response was something like this: “wow, that must have been an awesome experience, are you going to go back to any of those countries?â€� My response was sharing with her about my plan for Spain and for working in Asia and Eastern Europe one day. She said that was an “ambitious plan.â€� Not sure why, but the first thing that rolled off my tongue to her was “we all have a plan.â€� The look on her face gave me the impression that she didn’t like that response… she also said “plans change.â€� The conversation ended because she walked away. I simply smiled to her as I walked out of the store.
    The second thing that happened, that showed me how I am feeling, was an e-mail that I sent to some friends on the race. I just started rambling in the e-mail, asking them about a thousand questions, many of them personal, and numerous other things.  After the questions I typed out a sentence that read “as you might can tell I’m missing the race a little… it’s really weird being home. Not that I don’t love it, but I really miss the community of the people on my team… people here don’t ask, when you wake up, how your night was, or ask you about your devotions, they really don’t care too much about what God is doing in your life, and people aren’t really big on challenging you…â€� I haven’t really thought about this at all… really, I promise! It just kinda came out.
    So the third thing that confirmed my true feelings about being home is this blog, by my awesome teammate, Annie Rose.  You really should read it… it’s that good. But what I got from it, is that I am called to be a fighter, to fight against the things of this world. The blog then takes a complete 180 as she discusses her routine throughout the day. Where in her my day, did she I pick up the Word? So when God calls us to fight we are supposed to be prepared, right? Well, Christ called us to love, to love others, and know the love that He has for us. So amidst all the frustration of being home… I need to recognize more of His love, and love a little more.
    What does any of this have to do with how I feel about being at home? Well, for starters, everything. See the lady at CVS left me frustrated because it was almost as if she was telling me my plans were just a dream.  She represents numerous people I have encountered since being at home… yes, it is my dream, God’s plan!  I am perfectly okay with people questioning things… don’t worry I do it too. I just hate seeing people believe that they can’t reach their dream.  The mentality of dreams being “just dreamsâ€� makes me want to shake someone (That’s a whole blog in itself!) Then the e-mail I sent confirmed everything… the lack of community and how I miss it, how I took it for granted this past year, and how vital it is for Christian living.  Then this blog that sent me into a thousand directions… I know that I am there is a “warâ€� to be fought and yet now that I am home… I honestly haven’t really prepared that much for it.  It’s not that people here do things wrong and I am appalled by the way they see things… it’s just I found something I really like and I want to stick with it (and share it with everyone!) and continue on this path of growth with others.  
    I might be on a rambling tangent that doesn’t makes sense.  What I have learned with blogging is that sometimes you just have to put what’s going through your head on paper (like a journal) and that’s all! So this is it, this is how I feel, I have a hard time listening to people feel defeated, I miss my community, and I struggle with preparing myself for these “situationsâ€� that are apart this life we live.  But i know that: