Is God good?
I mean, we hear it all the time…"all the time, God is good…God is good, all the time." Yep, got it chief. It's been told to me since I was a small child. A plus on knowing stuff about God. However, the more I continue to analyze myself and my thoughts about God, I've found a lot of my deep rooted fears are based off of a lack of trust in Gods goodness. I don't trust Gods goodness to really provide a life and calling that will bring me joy, so I fear leaving comforts; I don't trust Gods goodness to really give me strength in all my trials and sufferings, so I tend to fear the future sometimes; I don't trust Gods goodness to really wash away all my sins and call me to a life of sonship, so I try to do whatever I can to earn it. Yikes. It's hard for me to trust!
What this month in Australia is showing me is an incredible, overwhelming sense of Gods goodness. His goodness!
Let me explain…
This month, our ministry consists of a lot of evangelism. Evangelism parties everyday! Sometimes we do door to door, which is super awkward at first but gets only really awkward after a while, but most of the time it's relational evangelism. Which basically means we go to a park where a crowd of homeless people are gathered early to get a free dinner from a group of volunteers every evening at 5, and we just sit down and talk with them. Other times we just ATL (ask the Lord) before we leave the base, and just go off the guidance we feel we get from Him into the city. Talk about adventure! I love that part.
However, evangelism is a slight stretch for me. It's just not in my temperment to begin with to approach strangers in a park and just strike up a conversation. Not my cup of tea. I know, I'm a terrible missionary. Haha. Kidding. Plus, I'm just not accustomed to evangelizing in this way. I love building relationships and I want to preach the good news, but I just felt pressured. There is a huge difference in doing something because it is your joy and delight, and doing something because you feel like you have to. HUGE difference. Especially in evangelism. So, I was talking to people, but my heart wasn't in it. Ever tried doing something with your heart miles away? Well, it sucks. Then, I kinda began to lose my joy in the Lord because, well, I'm a missionary! Isn't this exactly what I'm supposed to be doing? Evangelizing? Seeking the lost? And I find it exhausting most of the time, and have little joy and little impact. And then, listen carefully to this lie straight from hell that pesky Satan threw at me becase you might be hearing it too…
Gods disappointed in you. Sucks.
And I bought it. I bought it. I lost faith and placed my hope in my own efforts compared to my expectations, instead of placing it in Gods goodness towards me. So what did God do…
He proved His goodness.
